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Team Scotland’s Commonwealth Games uniforms are a headache waiting to happen

8 July 2014

If you want a laugh, and I suspect you do, take a look at the Team Scotland parade uniform for the 2014 Glasgow Commonwealth Games. It’s awful. A kilt that looks like a picnic blanket (note to English: not all kilts look like picnic blankets) and a lurid blue shirt that looks like a headache waiting to happen. It’s an astonishing colour, at once mottled and shiny, like an old Magic Eye drawing. If you stare at it for long enough, and allow your eyes to go funny, you can totally make out exactly why you don’t live in Glasgow.

Scotland being Scotland, and this being now, all of this stuff matters hugely. Poor Salmond must be furious. I mean, he’s not going to go and pose for a group photo with that lot, is he? It would be a disaster. He’d look like a slug atop a cupcake. Although, in fairness, the other side can’t do much with this either.You look at these poor athletes trussed up like fools, and you don’t exactly think ‘Better Together’. More ‘Better In The Altogether’.

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This is an extract from Hugo Rifkind’s column in this week’s Spectator. In the above BBC clip, the designer says it has ‘been a learning curve’. Quite. The BBC presenter refers to ‘one Hugh Rifkind’s’ tweet (below). Obviously not a Spectator reader.


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  • Suriani

    Does anybody really care about these games? might be the subtext for these clichéd creations.

  • terence patrick hewett

    You think that is bad: take a look at the last German Olympic uniform:

    It takes bad taste to a whole new level.

  • PeteMJoy

    Jeez, that’s gay. I’ll be surprised if all the Scots team are willing to wear that gruesome get-up. It’s bad enough on the women…

  • JsRUK

    ‘Learning Curve’? Thought they’d have got someone who actually knew their JOB. Still, I suppose we accept that doctors ‘practice’…

  • Fenton!

    If there’s anything I can’t stop looking at, it’s the chaps. What fine-looking fellows….

    But seriously, I have to confess that I think the tartan design is very pretty, in a summer-sorbet kind of way, and when you think of the thousands of tartan patterns (setts) that have been designed (I designed and registered two myself, last year), it’s not that easy to come up with something that is a) original and b) attractive. (I used to get the notifications of new designs from the Scottish Register of Tartans, and many of the setts were either ‘as expected’ (the usual sorts of colour combinations) or hideously ‘unexpected’.)

    As for the blue, it’s almost my favourite blue (I have a range of ‘favourite blues’), but gosh, it IS bright. I can’t see the 3-D look that Hugo refers to, but I do take his point about the OTT nature of the ensemble.

    P. S. Where do I get that cross-body sporran bag?

    • pedestrianblogger

      I think “hideously unexpected” sums this up perfectly.

      • Fenton!

        Mm, but it had to be eye-catching and… it is. On balance, I’m with the designer on this. Bold, bright, and not Your Same Old Scot. That has to be worth something.

  • Diggerjohn111

    That blue, it burns into your eyes, and then into your very centre of being.

  • TJ Bradders

    At some point you need to tell the crazy lady to just stop.

  • laurence

    It looks like a Jaycloth at the top and a mixture of vomit and poo-poo from the waist down. The designer resembles a Victorian ragamuffin. It’ll certainly stand out; like pi$$ on snow.

    • Fenton!

      A Jaycloth! Oh dear…. %^[]

  • Kennybhoy

    My poor eyes hurt jist lookin’ at this abomination! lol

  • swatnan

    Not a Stella McCartney design is it? Probably Vivienne Westwood. Talk about a pair of curtains being sewn together. Its awful.

    • DWWolds

      How about Victoria – sour face – Beckham who is so hoity-toity?

    • LaCoccinelle

      What an insult to Vivienne Westwood. At least she has an eye for colour and her tartans are lovely. Who in their right mind would choose to wear that turquoise, and with caramel coloured long socks. What on earth do these colours have to do with Scotland?

      • Fenton!

        What don’t they have to do with Scotland?

  • stearl33

    “I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK …”

  • CraigStrachan

    I dunno. I expect the Jimmy Shand-and-the-Alexander Brothers look goes over pretty well with many in the SNP.

  • the viceroy’s gin

    As ridiculous as these costumes are, that designer woman’s get-up is even worse. Whoever turned her loose on this should have their head examined.

    • anncalba

      I suppose we can be glad she was not also asked to provide a bonnet.

  • Jacques Strap

    So gay!

  • Hexhamgeezer

    Oh Dear. Designer in the clip says mockery of this is ‘bullying’.

    No doubt Plod is on his way round right now…..

  • The Masked Marvel

    At first glance I thought it was a shot from some bad 1970s TV commercial.

    If Scotland votes for independence, do they no longer participate in the Commonwealth Games?

  • Chingford Man

    Just as well there are no other important news stories in the country right now…

  • dado_trunking

    Is this woman for real? Siouxie and the Bangcheeks opts for an NCP car park attendant uniform. High impact indeed.

  • David Booth.

    OK, we have had the Rab C Nesbit joke version can we now have the proper version, please.

  • RavenRandom

    A comment I read earlier “Made in Scotland from curtains.”

  • Ronnie Strachan

    as we say in Scotland – ats fearsome

    • nae a belger

      its jist nae wise Ronnie. The designer maun a sunk a twa three at the Glaikit Stirk!

  • Foxmuldar

    Makes the guys look like their all gay. Maybe they are. lol

    • Frank Marker

      Not sure I would want to walk down Sauciehall Street on a Saturday night wearing that lot.

      Mind you if Scotland decides to have its own airline they could double up as uniforms for the trolley dollies.

  • James S

    Hope the English outfits look a good deal better

    • David Booth.

      Well the couldn’t look much worse could they?

      • Kate Tudor

        Give us time…Stella McCartney and Vivienne Westwood…

        • Frank Marker

          I’ll get my coat!

      • Jambo25

        Do you remember the Olympics?

        • David Booth.

          Yes I do remember the Olympics but this abomination is in a class of its own. The only person I have heard on the media defending this pantomime get up is the designer.
          The pity is that Scotland has a distinctive handsome style of national costume available (as long as it’s not displayed on short fat men!)

          • Kennybhoy

            A class of it’s own indeed lol!

          • Jambo25

            Well I’ve come across nobody who has turned on the apocalyptic nonsense we’re seeing here.

            • David Booth.

              I don’t quite understand your point Jambo25.

              • Jambo25

                I think the time and indignation being expended on this topic is ludicrous. Its uniforms for a sporting event. This doesn’t stand comparison with Coco Chanel’s introduction of ‘the little black dress’. Most of the uniforms for the London Olympics, including the UK ones ranged from dull and vaguely Fascist chic (The UK) through to utter camp (The USA).
                FWIW, the odd person I’ve spoken to has thought the Scottish uniforms are OK but I’m not going to be rushing oiut to buy any

                • David Booth.

                  Coco Chanel it isn’t more akin to Coco The Clown.
                  I’ve yet to hear any senior person for the SNP endorse the outfit yet.

                • laurence

                  I suspect it will be endorsed by the same ‘experts’, such as Ms Wark, who gushed over the grotesque eyesore that is the Holyrood Parliament building.

                • David Booth.

                  Holyrood as a building is looking decidedly shabby, I give it 10 years before it is condemned by that phrase beloved of our politicians-
                  “Not Fit For Purpose”

                • laurence

                  Exactly. The materials beloved of modern architects, concrete in particular, age poorly. I remember laughing when the civil servant in charge of the project attempted to defend the exorbitant cost by claiming that the building would last up to 50 years. Can you imagine Robert Adam or Alexander Thomson predicting such a poor lifespan for a public building?

  • Hexhamgeezer

    Rob Roy meets Graham Norton – on acid.

    • Barakzai

      Rob Roy? Mel blue-face Gibson, more like. Amazed that Sean Lamont agreed to wear this crud.

      All the guys need are Tom Selleck ‘taches to look like extras in a Harry Enfield sketch . . .

      • Hexhamgeezer

        Is that the Brae Fart tartan?

  • Earlshill

    And I think the mustard coloured stockings really are the icing on the cake. So tasteful.

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