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World Cup diary: now we know how utterly shite England were

29 June 2014

I’ve been cheering for the Dutch as a sort of thank-you for them humiliating Spain. But there was something thoroughly unpleasant about the way they dispatched Mexico, the world’s great footballing under-achievers. The fairly horrible, if undoubtedly talented, Arjen Robben dived for the penalty which won the game. It may have been a foul, of a sort – although I don’t think so, and mere contact should never be enough to warrant a foul – but whatever, the bald Dutchman dived, and should have been booked.

Previously, toothless Uruguay had deservedly lost to Colombia: we are beginning to understand just how utterly shite England were, no? England bottom of a group in which the triumphant top two all go out in the next round (probably). That’s how utterly shite. I hope they KNOW they were utterly shite, but one assumes that their ludicrous salaries will assuage any sense of utter uselessness, any self-realisation. They will march on, to be utterly shite in the Euros.

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  • Damon

    I broadly agree, Rod, but then what can be said about the England team of 2010? They were twice as —-ing bad as this lot.

  • Pier66

    Pier661 minute ago
    Your comment is awaiting moderation
    Luis Suarez is NOT IN SALE


    Liverpool should buy;

    Stones and Chambers, 2 our wonderkids,

    Then try to buy those players:

    Markovic, Shaquiri,Lovren, Caulker,Bertrand

    Origi,Konoplanka, Hummel, Richards,

    We must bolster our defense to



    And sell:

    Johnson disaster as rb

    Leiva not good for middle of the park

    Aspas a wanker

    Assaidi not good enough

    Agger you should find much better then him

    Skrtel same thing

    Enrique is a very poor Lb

    Luis alberto a wanker


    Coates a big wanker defender




  • jack brand

    The English squad have no self awareness of how overpaid and overhyped they are. The self-delusion infects every segment of the game; TV pundits who won’t properly criticize the current flops, a manager who talks verbose rubbish in a baleful, monotone voice about the future, FA mandarins who accept failure….. and of course, the preening players themselves,” I play in the best league in the world” mentality. Look at Rooney – can anyone honestly say he has developed or improved in the past 8 years or so?
    Arnoldo87 below touches on Shearer’s arrogance. He was at it again couple of weeks ago when a very eloquent Gianluca Vialli made the very reasonable and evident point that English players can’t handle the mental pressure, I think he may have been alluding to them not being very clever. Shearer was vehemently against Villi’s comment but it seems to be the case, or why else do they keep bottling it in crucial games. Any half decent team can beat Moldova, Lithuania or whoever. It’s the big stage that seems to fox the English.
    I’m Scottish but take no delight in watching my adopted country flounder.

  • 1DrFortuneMBezzla7

    England players always give 150 per cent in every game……. for their clubs.

    So that means they can only give 50 per cent for the national team.

    It’s not their fault. It’s stress.

  • Mrs Josephine Hyde-Hartley

    Do they not get much practice together as a team, one wonders? It’s common knowledge that practice makes perfect. Surely our England team could get a sabbatical sort of arrangement for the purposes of training with their owners – or even volunteer to do some extra work together in their own time.

  • Lucy Sky Diamonds

    Its the immigration stupid.

  • Mark

    Probably written too soon as Costa Rica have actually got to the quarter finals. The writing was on the wall in 2013 though, in the Confederations Cup held in Brazil. A small tournament with the likes of Brazil, Italy, Spain, Japan and even Tahiti. It was very fast-paced. Tahiti even played an open game. Ok they lost heavily, but scored and had chances, unlike the San Marino’s of this world, who pack their defence. It was obvious England wouldn’t cope with that, and this WC has thrown up underdog surprises. A complete new outlook is needed. Even looking to the success of Spain has gone out the window, with their bad defeats, as everyone seems to have sussed their tippy-tap footy. On the radio, people were asking what the youth of Spain are now going to do, because they’ve been brought up on that – so the implication is that even England should dump any thoughts of copying it, because it’s had its time. The “Golden Generation” of Lampard, Ferdinand, Terry, Gerrard, Beckham, Rooney simply did not deliver over 5 tournaments (6 if we had qualified for 2008), so dump all who remain.
    In many ways, the England superiority thinking is exemplified by the likes of Joe Hart – a chest-beating goalkeeper who let in 4 in two games. Get some humility or disappear mate. We have seen some terrific goalkeeping from unknowns in this tournament. I hope he’s been watching.
    Possibly one more thing we could do is take each and every fan of a certain age, and wipe their memories of all international football going back to about 1950, so they have no expectations.

    • Mark McIntyre

      That would only make them feel even worse !…
      Prior to the 1950 World Cup, England simply presumed themselves to be the masters of the game

      • Mark

        Ah yes, but those who followed back then are probably no longer with us. My 1st WC was 1970 and it’s been mostly downhill since, with very few peaks, if you analyse it all. I admit I still get all expectant though, the closer it gets. Then reality hits.

  • rtj1211

    I’m sure you and your acolytes will buy up 5000 tickets for the next Wembley international to sing your sentiments at 1000 decibels, won’t you?!!

    At the very least, it would bring some passion to an England game, as you clearly feel as strongly about this as you do that West Ham really aren’t by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen, eh??

    • girondas2

      West Ham are clearly the finest football team in the world bar none, well except of course for Clapton Orient.

      • rodliddle

        West Ham make me feel physically sick.

        • girondas2


          • Tahitiholiday

            Probably because the Ham is Off.

            • girondas2

              A wicked lie!.
              We won the World Cup for you lot and this is the thanks we get.
              Should have kept it for ourselves.

              • rodliddle

                we won the world cup for you…….academy of football……….proppa nawty green street bores……Russell brand………..Julian dicks………..forever blowing bubbles………”trev” brooking………..danny dyer…………..cas pennant icf arseholes……cultured football………good ol’ bobby…..oh I could go on all night……..

                • pablo58

                  Where’s my last, more expansive, comment gone Lidders

                • Mark McIntyre

                  Not just you last comment pablo58 – all of ours have not been posted – what the fuck is going on ? – why the protectionist behaviour with all your England FC blogs RoddyL ??

                • pablo58

                  Thanks for that Mark

                • girondas2

                  Ah yes! The world cup…academy of football… bubbles, bubbles everywhere… “trev” brooking (Sir Trev to you Rod)
                  Rod, if as a young man you had chosen the right path you would now be basking in the glory that is West Ham, but you did not, and so for evermore you will sup deep from the bitter cup of envy.
                  Russell Brand is of course a Millwall plant – you can tell by the body language.
                  I’m a generous chap and next time we come down to your gaff and trash you 5-0 I’ll buy you a consolation pint.

                • pablo58

                  Levenson, censorship, you hate that, don’t you? Rod?

  • arnoldo87

    After the defeat by Norway in 1981 (Maggie Thatcher – your boys took a **** of a beating etc..) jimmy Hill commented that the England players were “professionals who were not masters of their craft”. This situation has not changed over the last 30 years as other teams, regardless of the size of their population, exhibit superior ball skills to us.
    This is because English pros. do not practice hard enough, preferring instead to spend their afternoons on more enjoyable and lucrative pastimes. the situation is perpetuated because the commentariat also suffered from that deficiency but will not, of course, dream of admitting it.

  • lakelander

    The English national side has been undermined by Sky and the Premier League. There should be a law against it.

  • Mynydd

    Before the WC kick off the media experts, and some fans, were of the mind that second place in the England’s group will be the team who scored the most goals against Costa Rica, and England will reach the 1/4 finals.

  • Hexhamgeezer

    When it comes to World Cup Dairy Engerland are truly average. The reliance on the likes of foreigners like Onken, Muller, Baby Bel and Kraft, instead of developing our home products will inevitably dull the appetite for international success.

    Quota systems perhaps?

  • DougS

    A flagrant dive by Robben – confirmed by the replays.

    • girondas2

      It was a thing of beauty

  • disqus_JXTaH3N9kU

    By the way : what is it with Alexis Sanchez and his shorts ?

  • GraveDave

    Yeah, same thing year after year. Maybe it’s about time we paid our players by results.
    Wonder what sh*t – sorry -sh*te -they tell their wives in bed.

    • pablo58

      “..honestly, it is 7 inches and that was definitely longer than a minute”, perhaps.

  • Pier66

    What LFC archived you can ONLY DREAM….

  • Pier66

    Here is full of trollies from lib lab and londoners club supporters
    they have a GREAT POINT IN COMMON…..

    • GraveDave

      Yeah but maybe it’s time we give someone else a chance.

  • Pier66

    pablo58…if you can just wait take a sit have a drink ( properly)
    and WATCH El Pistolero score lots and lots of goals..
    then have a look a the Final Table next May…

    • pablo58

      Believe me, Mr. 66, when I wait, sit and drink, I do it properly. I don’t even bite anybody. And I agree, El Dentalero will score lots and lots of goals next season, just not for Liverpool. Shame, really. I was as fooled into thinking he’d changed as all those horrible English sports media racist/ bigot/ conspiracy/ mafia, that voted him player of the season, earlier this year, were.

      • rodliddle

        I’m sorry Pablo, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t “censor” this site at all.

        • Mark McIntyre

          Well some has been dear Rodders !…
          We posted our comments only for a clock face symbol to appear advising us to await moderation of said blogs.
          Result ? – the comments were never published – even our more gentle ones !
          Question. If not your good self doing the ‘moderating’ dear Rodders – WHO

          • pablo58

            Yeah! Welease ( our posts) Woderwick! ( sorry, couldn’t help it, won’t happen again). But seriously, who/what’s ‘disappearing’ our posts then? That’s not a rhetorical question

            • pablo58

              But it is a question that I should have asked Rod, not you Mark. Apologies, but if you have got any idea what goes on with this thing, please share.

  • John Lea

    Not only were England awful, but look what happens in the immediate aftermath: Llallana and Luke Shaw purchased by Liverpool and Man Utd respectively for £20 and 30 million. Says it all really.

  • Bobby Morton

    I think (and I am fairly drunk) that England are crap – but actually,no, they are just very average. I think the Dutch may win it.

  • Tahitiholiday

    May I be an utterly sh-te English footballer, please? You can mail my wages to: Tahiti baby, Palapa by the Coconuts, Tahiti. Cheers.

  • dado_trunking

    Ludicrous salaries – you see, there speaks the small mind.
    How many pints of Karl Pisselberg’s Lager would you need to drink until you started moaning about paying the BBC a tenner a month yet ignoring that you pay BT/Sky or whoever runs that wutless sideshow nowadays 40?

    • pablo58

      Probably the same amount of pints it takes to come up with the word “wutless”

      • dado_trunking

        A crate of Red Stripe or Carib at £30 a pop?

        • pablo58


    • girondas2

      You waste £10 a month on that gang of middle class poseurs at the BBC?

      • BarkingAtTreehuggers

        Go on lad, tell us you don’t watch the World Cup but waste your time commenting here.

        • girondas2

          Iplayer doesn’t require a licence and I must do my patriotic duty of sobbing at the ineptitude of our overpaid heroes.
          i waste less time commenting than you do.

          • BarkingAtTreehuggers

            you watch LIVE football on iplayer? Who do you think you are kidding, you pizza baker?

            • girondas2

              “you watch LIVE football on iplayer?”
              You have a big mouth and no brains.

              • BarkingAtTreehuggers

                I’ll have a pizza funghi please with extra garlic dough balls on the side.

                • girondas2

                  That’s probably what you do eat, untermensch.

                • BarkingAtTreehuggers

                  Hehe – next match France vs Germany, live on the BBC – out of bounce for dagos.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    Flash to reality Britisher pals, football fans have been shaming Britain both national and internationally for at least the last 50 years. Mindless savages that came to believe that they could indulge in murderous violence and criminal damage indefinitely while Authority turned a blind eye.

    • GraveDave

      Oh shut your fukcing teeth.

      • rodliddle

        Yes, I think that’s about right, GD. And well put.

        • Jackthesmilingblack

          That’s your typical retarded football fan for you.

  • Kennybhoy

    “…but one assumes that their ludicrous salaries will assuage any sense of utter uselessness, any self-realisation.”


  • NedMissingTeeth

    I’m a huge Everton but I wasn’t looking forward to the world cup. England are a mid-table Championship side who’s football is dull and passionless.

    • Ooh!MePurse!

      Whose football. Sorry, tried to stop myself but failed.

      • Max07

        ‘England IS a mid-table championship side. ITS football is dull and passionless.’

      • disqus_KdiRmsUO4U

        Since I’m a failed mechanic I enjoy throwing spanners in the works.
        The truth is England are rarely outplayed and often dominate games but still don’t win.

        So what’s the problem ?

        Our strikers are not good enough.
        This shows in penalties and throughout games.

        • First L

          They are lucky if they make 50% on possession. That is not dominating games.

    • Sweary Expat

      Congratulations on being a huge Everton

    • Tahitiholiday

      Is that like being a huge John Thomas? I don’t get out much: you understand.

    • tjamesjones

      when you see how well the various international journeyman play, who make up the squads of Everton, Fulham, QPR etc, you realise that we’ve been conned (cesar, released by QPR, the world cup goalie, hmm). The premier league pays the salaries, but for most footballers their heart is in the world cup. Unfortunately as you say NMT, this doesn’t appear to be the case for England, though how Hodgson escapes this debacle is beyond me.

    • post_x_it

      I’d say it’s better to have a huge Everton than to be one.

      • pablo58

        As a Villa fan I couldn’t agree more.

  • Kel Stephen

    Now now, let’s not be bitter, this is a moment to learn lessons, we are adults.

    • Barakzai

      . . . . And we are all encouraged by the ‘potential’ of the ‘promising’ newcomers and youngsters in the team remarked upon by the manager, FA panjandrums and assorted pundits, are we not?

      Surely, this potential heralds success in the next big tournament doesn’t it? (What’s that you say, you’ve heard this refrain for 47 years . . . ? )

    • Wessex Man

      it seems that every time England fail in Competitions we have to learn lessons, we never will until the number of foreign players are cut drastically in the Premier and Championship.

      • Fraser Bailey

        The flaw in this argument is that we were crap throughout most of the 1970s, when there were no foreign players in our leagues. Nothing will change until the entire coaching system is transformed from the age of six, with facilities such as those available to kids in the Netherlands, Spain and Germany. Thus nothing will change.

        • tjamesjones

          Yes, I love this sort of argument. All we need is for England to be Germany and we’d do better. Also, in other news, if my Aunt had balls she’d be my uncle. And this passes off as analysis throughout the land.

          • girondas2

            Some chap pointed out that Costa Rica beat both Uruguay and Italy but could not beat England. This clearly demonstrated, in his opinion, that England were a better team than either Uruguay or Italy. Football is a funny old game.

            • rodliddle

              whoever that chap was is an idiot.

              • girondas2

                I think he was joking Rod.
                You didn’t take our humilation well did you?

                • rodliddle

                  Oh I wouldn’t be too sure. But no, I didn’t, you’re right. Never do.

                • girondas2

                  There’s still the Dutch to support – Pity they’re not gentleman of course, more Flashman than Bobby Moore, but you can’t have everything.

                • Kitty MLB

                  A Scandalous thing to say. The Dutch are gentlemen of the first water, lived there for a
                  while and there is an awful lot of water in Holland, as well as friendly cats and windmills..
                  I believe Nick Clegg hails from Holland, thats
                  why he likes windfarms.
                  Never mind about England though, after much
                  lamentations there is always next time.

                • girondas2

                  Kitty! I wouldn’t want you to think that I engaged in scandalous commentary.
                  I was alluding to Robben’s habit of diving whenever an opponent so much as looked at him – that is not the behaviour of a gentleman is it? – It is what Flashman would do.
                  I am sure you have met Dutch gentleman – they just aren’t the chaps that play football..

                • Kitty MLB

                  Oh, its not as if Robben has the habits of Suarez, or like ladies tennis, those who grunt to put others off ( I am sure men keep the sound off- but poor Rafa, I am heartbroken)
                  I am quite sure that you’d never engage in any scandalous
                  commentary.. perish the thought… you’d never dream of it.
                  The behaviour of a gentleman, the Dutch are always gentleman, even when you once found yourself wandering around the wrong part of Amsterdam.. They will rescue ladies.
                  Flashman, he was that literary English hero and rogue.
                  They say if those were like him, that WW1 would have
                  started a decade earlier, the Koh-L-Noor would never have
                  been stolen and the Sikhs would have won The Charge of the Light Brigade.

                • girondas2

                  But would they have rescued me from the wrong part of Amsterdam?
                  I must confess that part of me always wanted to be Flashman.- if only at weekends.Well you know how it is with men.

                • Kitty MLB

                  Well, if Flashman, or another man encountered a beautiful & witty woman in that wrong part of Amsterdam would he have been heroic and rescued the grateful woman. Or as you say, would have wanted to wander into the sweet shop and consume as many sweeties that his appetite could take in one weekend, and end up being as sick as a parrot for the rest of the week. Oh poor men, one of life’s conundrums.
                  Only at the weekend, Ermm !

                • girondas2

                  I suppose it’s the thought of being even more utterly irresistable than I am already, though I have always been too decent to take full advantage.
                  Weekends only – of course – mustn’t be greedy.

                • Kitty MLB

                  So modest too. It must be tiresome having women swooning
                  constantly. Its good that you are too decent to take Full
                  advantage ( just slightly then) and tell them you must go, as you have cats to feed- they’ll see that you are a gentleman and also care about animals…Oh I see !
                  ‘ Weekends only’ its good that you restrict your devouring of tempting sweets until the weekend. If you have them everyday, you’d have nothing to crave for- and they know it.
                  Besides, You need to watch out for those endorphins and
                  the odd sugar rush- so its good that your not greedy.

                • girondas2

                  Would you have me any other way?

                • Kitty MLB

                  Oh does this mean I must say nice things about
                  you now..I’ll get back on that.But I suppose the
                  answer would be no I wouldn’t but with some
                  tweaks here and there( if you dont mind)
                  My bonkers old granny would have said of you:
                  he strubs up exceptionally well.

                • girondas2

                  “Oh does this mean I must say nice things about
                  you now.”

                  Yes please.

                • Kitty MLB

                  ” Yes Please” I shall respond without misbehaving or speaking of your electromagnetic waves, currents & protons,but I shall be nice.( a cold word, nice )
                  The Lorenz butterfly effect will be far more suitable, if someone were to sell you on ebay I am sure the result would be for the entire www to crash.
                  No more though, your self- esteem might grow so large that
                  NASA will send a probe into space to investigate.
                  And they would find you swimming in the sea of tranquillity
                  avoiding asteroids , shooting stars who have travelled light years into our solar system just to see you..
                  and you will be quite alone up there.

          • Tahitiholiday

            if my Aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.

            I assume she has the nose hair to match?

      • Ron Todd

        Ever wondered why the big clubs with money buy foreign players? Could it be because they do not have enough English players with the same level of talent?

      • Canadian

        How will british soccer improve if you don’t have skilled players to teach them.

        • CO Jones

          So the idea is to give all the England players a big stick? That would certainly help …

  • pablo58

    Toothless Uruguay indeed. Looks like toothless Liverpool next season too (th-less?).

    • Kitty MLB

      Well at least it will stop them biting each other.

      • pablo58

        They don’t bite ‘each other’. It’s just loonytoons Suzie Chew that goes round biting ‘them’. Someone (in the pub) suggested that, because he’s got such big teeth he couldn’t resist chomping on someone. Well, Freddie Mercury had big teeth too, and I don’t remember any stories about him chomping on…nevermind

        • Kitty MLB

          Ed Miliband has rather teeth too, look out for bite marks
          near Ed Balls.

          • pablo58

            Biting satire Kitty! ( I’m really reaching now).

    • MikeF

      They’ll have lots of goalless jaws.

    • Tahitiholiday

      At too-thirty it’s time to see the dentist.

  • FrankS2

    A friend who knows more about footie than I do (not difficult) gave an explanation for a puzzling question I raised earlier in this series: Why does a defeated England go home next day, rather than stick around to see the rest of the show? Getting booted out of the World cup in the group stage means they get a bit of a break before the home season starts again; and isn’t there some European Trophy they’re supposed to be in fairly soon?
    Early bath in Brazil? Result! Any truth in this theory?

    • Bobby Morton

      they need a hard earned holiday.

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