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Ed Miliband slapped in the face by bouncy Dave

30 April 2014

As the economy bounces back it keeps smacking Ed Miliband in the face. At PMQs today he tried to pose as the people’s champion fighting fat-cat capitalism. He started with Royal Mail, which is now worth a billion more than when it was floated.

In hindsight, any privatisation can look like a Westminster mega-blunder or a Square Mile stitch-up. Miliband took the latter view. Referring to the clique of 16 ‘golden ticket’ investors, he asked why these lucky speculators had been allowed to flip their shares for an instant profit while the hard-working posties had been ordered to retain theirs for three years.

Cameron spotted the trick. Posties got free shares. The City paid hard cash. The PM praised the flotation for turning a commercial dead-horse into a ripping triumph.

‘Only the prime minister would want congratulations for losing a billion pounds,’ sniffed Miliband. Cameron countered that Miliband was ‘reduced to complaining about a government success.’

It was decent territory for Miliband but he needed a damaging revelation to wrong-foot the PM. He had nothing but a trace of bad air. ‘Everything about this privatisation stinks.’

Cameron had arrived hoping to link the opposition leader to Old Labour. Royal Mail played straight into his hands. He said Miliband was deploying the same arguments used by Mssrs Kinnock, Straw and Prescott to oppose the privatisations of the 1980s.

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Why those three? Because their sons are now scouting for safe Labour seats.

‘Literally, it’s the same old Labour,’ said Cameron.

Bold tactic. And it may backfire since Cameron is hardly exempt from being caricatured as a Hooray parasite. But you can see the attraction. Turn the enemy’s deadliest weapon on himself, and portray Labour’s high command as a cabal of corrupt dynasts passing rotten boroughs down through the generations like bewigged toffs bequeathing valleys full of rickety serfs to their soft-cheeked and silky-palmed progeny.

Cameron’s attack on Miliband ended in a weird, control-freak spat with the Speaker.

The PM had decided to pooh-pooh Labour’s new guru, David Alexrod. This involved quoting him out of context. Cameron produced a leaked memo which he read out, with amusing stresses.

‘There’s a better future ahead of us,’ he quoted. ‘But we mustn’t look backward to the policies that put us in this mess in the first place.’

Gales of sarcastic laughter greeted this and as Cameron paused for breath, Mr Bercow got to his feet and berated some heckling corner-boys at the end of the chamber. Cameron sat down, feeling miffed. Then he piped up, ‘I hadn’t finished!’ from a seated position, thus interrupting the Speaker. This is lèse-majesté. It may even be treason. Bercow was furious. A cold grin prised his mouth apart, revealing two glinting rows of ferociously scrubbed gnashers.

‘In response to that,’ he glared, ‘the prime minster HAS finished and he can take it from me that he HAS finished.’

That was that. From the back benches, Cameron got some help over Royal Mail from the longest-serving MP, Sir Peter Tapsell. Normally the soul of eloquence, Sir Peter was so ill-focused and prolix today that MPs were starting to hail him as ‘the Blather of the House’. He rambled on for absolutely yonks about his role in the privatisation of gas in the 1980s. Then he enlarged upon Ed Miliband’s failure to grasp the nature of capital markets. And as yard upon yard of shoddy flannel spooled out of his mouth, even the snippy Mr Berkow looked on sadly, unwilling to intervene.

What a tragedy.

Being pitied by Berkow, I mean. Sir Peter will be back.

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Show comments
  • RavenRandom

    Telemucus is usually around somewhere, hanging remora like from the bottom of the top post… so from your inside tack: Is it true that Yvette Cooper is lining up for a leadership bid when Labour fail or don’t get an absolute majority at the election?

    • George_Arseborne

      What about George Osborne the Blob and Boris Johnson the Buffoon? They are not even waiting fir their leader to fail, they are fighting each other. What does that tell about the Tories? Simple answer . Gone after May 2015.

    • wycombewanderer

      After the humiliating mauling she got yesterday from Theresa May it may take her some time to recover.

      It must be difficult for the kids, Balls gets roasted weekly by Osborne and now Cooper is skinned alive.

  • Realpolitik/ fruitcake/ racist

    Does it really matter? The EU are the real power brokers.

  • rjbh

    Poor old Mr Ed, slapped inthe face and sent home with a flea in his ear, that old bully boy Cameron is just too good for this 3rd rate career politico.

    I def want to see our PM square up to that rebellious Scot Alex Salmond, but I fear it could be a far closer contest.

  • you_kid

    This bunch of muppets is truly scary. Fear-inducing to the max.
    Which other great nation on the planet has such a set of (almost certain) next national leaders?

    • HookesLaw

      Muppets? There’s a laugh from a kipper. A see Mo Farah is getting the kipper back to Africa treatment now. Don’t worry – you will run out of things to be intollerant about eventually.

      • Alexsandr

        your spelling?

      • Realpolitik/ fruitcake/ racist

        He isn’t a kipper you idiot.

  • Colonel Mustard

    Socialists don’t think – under Ed they thtink.

    • amicus

      Yeth! I like it.

  • George_Arseborne

    I find this article as pure rubbish. With 1.4 million people on Zero hours contract, the Royal Mail sold to Osborne’s friends whom in turn break an accord to make fast profit is a shame. Cameron as dodgy as he is could not give an answer to all the questions asked by Ed. What economic growth are you actually talking about.? Figures and graphs are good for hedge funds and slaps to the wider electorate.
    Milliband should stick to cost of living crisis because it resonates well with the electorates.
    If the Economy is in such a way you’re jubilating Mr. Evans, why are the Tories lagging in most if not all opinion polls?
    Your article is just a junk

    • Alexsandr

      why are people so agitated about zero hours contracts
      I think that many will ind the flexibility they offer suits them just fine.
      has anyone done any research on how many are on these contracts and dont like them?

      • you_kid

        There we have it. The flexibility of shares for rights, the greatest conceptual stillbirth of our time?

      • Mynydd

        Would you

        • Alexsandr

          I am
          (Contractor working through a managed service company)

          • Mynydd

            That is not the same as a zero hour contract.

    • Inverted Meniscus

      I cannot be bothered with most of this ignorant semi-literate drivel. On the question of growth however, he is referring to Britain’s record as the fast growing developed western economy.

      • George_Arseborne

        We are use to this rubbish. It doesn’t resonate to the electorates. So what has that got to do with living standard Mr. Literate. Who cares about fastest growth in the G whatever.
        Why are the Tories trailing Labour in all opinion polls if they were on the right foot? You dreamer

  • Paddy

    Is Axelrod giving the front bench a makeover. I noticed Angela Eagle’s new hairstyle.

    • Colonel Mustard

      Is it a little moustache and a lick of hair across her forehead?

  • alabenn

    Miliband is starting to cut a sad figure, even his back benchers just cannot be bothered, Balls can barely keep the look of contempt from his face and Harpywoman is turning into a gurning freak because of her horror at his performance.
    A limp performance by Cameron and Miliband still manages self immolation.
    It would be sad, but he deserves all the garbage dropped on him.

    • telemachus

      The press narrative is clear
      Miliband has lost it
      He has no policies
      And no presentational skills
      Mark my words Ed has substance and solidity. He demonstrates this with a fairness to all that will be the envy of Osborne, Cameron and gang as the election approaches
      A few good economic indicators seem to have made Osborne forget that the average voter is and more importantly feels worse off
      Come the glorious manifesto, the dynamic future policies and the lack of feeling of well being of the man in the street will confirm Miliband as a superstar

      • Realpolitik/ fruitcake/ racist


        1. they start taxing at £6,500…….. compared to the coalition’s £10,500..if they represented the working man why tax low-paid workers so harshly forcing them onto benefits as they are better off on them?????)

        2. they didn’t regulate the banks in 13 years. (Blair now a banker worth upwards of 60 MILLION- and he started the new labour movement…..) Google “Peter Mandelson on yacht with Nat Rothschild” “Google Brown at Bilderberg” etc.

        3. more tax has been paid by top earners EVERY year under the coalition than ANY under labour.

        4. They want to increase debt BY £3,200 per person

        5. spend 11.6% more than they take in tax.

        6. they destroyed our economy. Labour presided over the slowest growth in 50 years, they produced the fastest decline in British manufacturing since manufacturing began, they left us mired in the longest recession since the war, they bequeathed maybe the largest deficit in peacetime history, and they handed over a debt so huge we will still be repaying it when the earth is swallowed by an expanding sun, a cosmological termination which might therefore come as some relief.

        7. they want to continue to send 57million a day to the EU

        8. they want higher immigration (last time allowed the biggest mass immigration into the United Kingdom in our nation’s history: three million people, possibly more than entered these island in the preceding 1,000 years combined.)

        9. they have destroyed the NHS in Wales (where they are currently in power, why wouldn’t they do it here too?????- the coalition have ring-fenced our NHS budget so they CAN’T cut it, but labour will.) Our last labour government blew £250,000,000 on private surgery because their NHS was so bad1,200 died in Mid-Staffordshire Hospital alone, that’s more than died in Mid-Staffordshire during the Black Death.
        along with their gagging orders on whistle blowers within the NHS

        10. they raid the pensions.

        11. Iraq+Afghanistan.

        12.They sold off 400 tons of UK gold reserves and invested the money in euros, compare the change in the value of gold to the change in the value of the euro in recent years if you have some free time.

        13. run by the unions

        14. They bloated the welfare budget.

        15. They didn’t keep up with house building when demand rocketed, allowing house prices to triple

        16. They failed to build a lot of necessary infrastructure such as power stations.

        17. they didn’t invest in infrastructure (despite borrowing 1 trillion and taking 13 years of tax) Well, yes: they built the Millennium Dome. It’s easy to forget the Millennium Dome, because, after all, who would want to remember it, but this thing burned up 800 million pounds, was maybe the greatest marketing flop in recorded time, and it turned out to be a great big dirty tent where queueing families could pay £60, just to look at uplifting representations of litter.

        18. They continually increased fuel duty by over 107%, harming motorists.

        19. They signed the Lisbon treaty, giving vast amounts of power to the EU and going against their own manifesto in with they specifically said they would give the people a referendum.

        20. Allowing rich people to buy peerages.

        21. Started HS2

        22. They left us with the largest budget deficit in the G20 relative to GDP.

        23.They lumbered the NHS with vast PFI repayments which are coming out of Foundation trusts and straight into the pockets of the private sector. £50 Billion’s worth of loans which are costing us £300 Billion in repayments-genius!…….

        24. Housing waiting lists DOUBLED under Labour

        25. Europe. labour’s biggest achievement in Europe was to give away half our precious rebate, won by Thatcher, at a cost to you and me of £9 billion so far – and in return they got precisely nothing, unless you count a chortling, after-dinner promise from Jacques Chirac, that he’d make Tony Blair President of the EU, which he didn’t. A small mercy.

        26. Education. ensuring English youngsters are amongst the worst educated in the western world, and closing the grammar schools preventing the poor from achieving.

        27. giving everyones personal information to america “labour MP wants muslim prime minister”

        29. they can’t even run their party finances ( lost 2 million recently in banking)

        30. The party is almost identical to the previous labour government who got us in to this mess (ed balls).

        31. Google “labour25”

        32. Medi Hassan wrote Miliband’s biography is a militant muslim who described westerners as animals (a video you can find on here)

        33. The espouse the same political policies and views as the French President Hollande which are destroying France, where the rich have left youth unemployment is at 25% and they have seen the largest drop in investment for over 60 years.

        34. 5 Labour MPs—and no Tories or Lib Dems—have been found guilty of expenses fraud by a court and sent to prison. Ed Balls claimed £33 parliamentary expenses for poppy wreaths he had laid at his constituency ceremony.

        35. you’re voting for the racist Diane Abbott, weak and incompetent Ed Miliband and the oaf who destroyed our economy 4 years ago- Ed Balls,

        36. labour corruption privatisation of Qinteq defence service making LABOUR Lord Drayson worth over £542 MILLION

        37. The gap between rich and poor was wider when Labour were in power.

        As for the Labour Party right now, they’ve opposed every cut that aims to tackle the deficit their party created and are not offering a plan of what they would do differently. Apart from keeping all the cuts (which they are opposed to)

        • telemachus

          I read it last time you posted it
          The key here is that Ed is a new man with a new team and an energy and vibrancy that will resonate with the voters
          When the manifesto is unveiled Joe Public will see the fairness and the hope for the future
          He will factor in the cost of living crisis and give a resounding mandate to the forces of reason

          • Inverted Meniscus

            You should be on the stage. There is one leaving town in 10 minutes.

          • Colonel Mustard

            A new man and a new team? What absolute tripe. The opposition front bench is a grisly collection of Brown’s has beens with a few ghastly red witches thrown in and nothing to offer but the same old class war garbage from the 1960s. Ironic as most of them are privileged millionaires.

          • RavenRandom

            Come on Tele, even you know Miliband has the charisma of a centipede.

            • Realpolitik/ fruitcake/ racist

              That’s unfair, there are plenty of centipedes who have a lot more charisma.

            • Rossspeak

              One thing you can’t say about centipedes is that they lack legs – which are sadly lacking from any Labour policies ( and I use that term loosely).

          • Realpolitik/ fruitcake/ racist

            New team?????????????? WOW, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO’S IN LABOUR??????????

            And the most shockingly ignorant comment award goes to……. you guessed it…… TELEMACHUS!

        • Colonel Mustard

          Despite claiming he wants to debate he will ignore this or retaliate with yet more tedious hagiography of that gruesome opposition front bench.

          He has done what he wants to do, which is to tag the top comment with the most vomit-inducing Lieborg propaganda and hubris. The only consolation is that he continues to demonstrate the repulsiveness of the minds of Lieborg advocates. Let’s hope those reading his bilge take warning.

        • Inverted Meniscus

          Sorry but he just doesn’t do honesty.

        • Mynydd

          A long list so I’ll just comment on point 2:
          Before the world wide banking crisis Mr John Redwood wrote a paper on behalf of the Conservative party in which he stated there was to much bank regulation this then became the party’s policy. Of course when the American sub-prime mortgages and the resultant banking became to light it forced Mr Cameron to do another U-turn. By the way in the last four years the government has done very little in way of bank regulation, only given them even more taxpayers money

      • Inverted Meniscus

        Tagged tripe.

      • kyalami

        Which Ed are we talking about here? Davey? Vaizey? Go on, give us a credible name.

      • balance_and_reason

        Well said Ed…keep punching.

    • Paul

      Sorry, who’s Harpywoman? So many candidates for the title…

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