Blogs Coffee House

Are you fit to be British? Take the Ukip test

28 April 2014

If you believe that Ukip supporters love Britain and cannot abide Europe, look at the report by the pollster Peter Kellner in the current issue of Prospect. Ukip fears Britain has:

‘gone off the rails. Hence the fact that 57 per cent of Ukip supporters would prefer to migrate to mainland Europe if they could.’

To put it another way, no one hates his country more that the bawling patriot. The reasons for Ukip’s loathing are many, and in some instances understandable: falling living standards, politically correct double-standards, mass immigration, poor public services, political corruption and the timeless complaint of the old and disappointed that ‘things ain’t what they used to be’. I am all for a conservatism that preserves the best of the past, but to pretend that Ukip isn’t home to the worst of Britain is to be either self-serving or delusional. To then bend over backwards and say, as so many of our mainstream commentators do, that Ukip may be rough around the edges but is still a respectable movement is just asinine.

Let me spell it out: Ukip is inspired by hatred. The sight of their fellow citizens drives Ukip supporters into foaming rages or indeed to France or Spain, not arguments about the Common Agricultural Policy. Perhaps you are one of the hated. To find out, ask yourself

Are you black?
In which case, you probably should leave. After Lenny Henry complained that there were not enough black faces on television, William Henwood, a Ukip candidate in Enfield, said, ‘He should emigrate to a black country. He does not have to live with whites’.

Even those who say we should understand a little more and condemn a little less, ought to have snapped after reading this story in the Observer. I can’t think of anyone more British than Lenny Henry. Yet Ukip candidates pretend that he is an alien intruder; or argue that his citizenship is conditional on Henry doffing his cap, biting his tongue and saying nothing that might disturb foul-minded creeps.

Are you Jewish?

A web post bearing the name of Anna-Marie Crampton, a Ukip candidate in East Sussex, opined that the Second World War and the gas chambers were a Jewish conspiracy to bring about the creation of modern Israel. ‘Only the Zionists could sacrifice their own in the gas chambers … It was thanks to them that six million Jews were murdered in the war.’ I should add that Crampton claimed that a person or persons unknown had stolen her identity.

Grant French, meanwhile, a UKIP councillor took to Twitter to say that Britain’s Jewish ‘masters’ stopped questioning of the Holocaust. Perhaps his identity was stolen too.

Are you Muslim?
British muslims for secular
You might say you are, and a law-abiding and democratic British citizen as well. But according to the Facebook page of Magnus Nielsen, a Ukip candidate in Camden, ‘Islam is organised crime under religious camouflage. Any Muslim who is not involved in organised crime is not a “true believer”, practising Islam as Mohammed commanded.’

Are you Greek – that’s right, Greek – or Turkish come to that?

David Challice, a senior party official and activist in Exeter, in his book The View From Here, quotes Brian Sewell approvingly:

‘The Greek driver seeing a dog in the road a hundred yards ahead will accelerate and do his damnedest to run it down for sport; a Turk will maintain his speed and course, and if the dog happens to be in the way, will run it over – the one is vile the other fatalistic.’

Claim your gift

Are you the child of refugees?

Andre Lampitt, who starred in the latest Ukip party political broadcast, said of Ed Miliband, whose parents fled Nazi armies to find sanctuary here:

‘Miliband is not a real Brit. I hope he never gets to be PM! He was only born here. I believe in being British. It is earned through generations of existence not through birth.’

In the Ukip propaganda, Lampitt complained about foreign workers taking British jobs, even though he had come here from Zimbabwe. Another Ukip ‘supporter’ in the broadcast was a jobbing actor from Ireland. Farage himself decided that the best person qualified to be his secretary was his German wife. When I said Farage was England’s greatest living hypocrite, I was not overstating the case against him.

I accept that the liberal-left has used the charge of racism so promiscuously it has blunted its force and diluted its meaning. Its hyperbole has lost the left the respect of many people who now lack the ability to recognise real racists when they are in plain view.

Let me help them out: these Ukip candidates are real racists; not politically incorrect truth-tellers or ordinary, decent folk, who speak their minds, but the real thing.

So far we have been dealing only with immigrants and the descendants of immigrants – blacks, Asians, Jews, Indians, Pakistanis, Greeks and – lest we forget – Turks too. But suppose you can trace your family back to the Norman Conquest or Saxon shore? Surely, you’d be OK. But before assuming that you are a good enough Briton for Ukip, ask yourself

Are you a woman?
Stuart Wheeler, is a cadaverous gambling tycoon, and a man who would be alone in the kitchen at parties were he not stinking rich. He is stinking rich and funds Ukip, and therefore his courtiers humour him. He said that women were ‘absolutely nowhere’ when they compete with men in sports where they are not physically disadvantaged, such as chess or poker. (He should try telling that to Vicky Coren, by the way.) For this reason, ‘I would just like to challenge the idea that it is necessary to have a lot of women or a particular number on a board.’

What applies in the boardroom and at the poker school applies in Ukip. Its only female MEP, Marta Andreasen, who recently threatened to leave the party, said Farage was an ‘anti-women Stalinist dictator’. He neither liked nor respected ‘intelligent, professional’ women, she said, and thought their place was in ‘the kitchen or in the bedroom’.

Are you gay?

A UKIP councillor blamed the recent floods on the Government’s decision to legalise gay marriage. David Silvester said the prime minister had acted ‘arrogantly against the Gospel,’ and the Lord had punished the Thames Valley as a result.

Still, if you wish to save your soul and keep your neighbours dry, you could always work out. John Sullivan, a Ukip candidate, explained that physical exercise in schools can ‘prevent homosexuality’. This must be the reason, as a comic on Have I Got News for You explained, why you never see gay men in gyms.


Are you a patriot?

This may seem an odd question, but as I said earlier no one hates their country as much as the people who stomp around bellowing that they love it the most. Understand this paradox and you will understand Farage’s admiration for Putin. That MI5’s director has complained that his staff must spend so much time monitoring Russian spies, they cannot keep tabs on Islamists, does not bother Farage. That Putin has helped Assad turn Syria into a mass grave or has sent his armies into an independent European country, does not concern him either. Putin is against the European Union and that is all that matters to Farage and the leaders of Europe’s other far-right parties. (I don’t doubt that the new tsar’s persecution of homosexuals also heightens their admiration.)

Are you a member of Ukip?

You might think you would be safe then. But Ukip is Nigel Farage’s personality cult. He allows no competition and has no internal rivals who might threaten his preeminence. And as for Ukip members who talk back…The Times reported:

‘Nigel Farage and other senior Ukip officials traduced colleagues who raised concerns about how the party handled millions of pounds in funds. Mr Farage called a senior female Ukip official a “stupid woman” and told her to “shut up” when she asked for an independent audit into party finances, according to Delroy Young, formerly Ukip’s only black executive. Another member was allegedly physically threatened.’

Menahwile Marta Anderson, who complained about Farage’s Stalinism, told the BBC:

‘I’ve been bullied, in private situations, for decisions I have made by Nigel. I have been accused of being disloyal, breaching confidence and breaching my contract with the party. There’s an attitude that either you keep silent about everything that’s been going on in the party or suffer the consequences.’

Where is the opposition to this bunch of dirty old men, who are heading to victory in a national election? Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats have at least fought back, and my colleagues on the Times and Observer have done some decent investigative journalism. But Labour stays silent because it hopes Ukip will split the Tory vote. The Tories stay silent because they fear that many of their supporters agree with Farage, and the broadcasters don’t apply the same standards they apply to other politicians because, well, Farage is a character who brightens up their dreary schedules.

Every time there is a scandal, Ukip’s opponents and the media let Farage get away with saying that the racist, sexist or gay-hating Ukip candidate is a rotten apple he will throw away.

But the scandals are so frequent you have to conclude that it is not the rotten apple that needs throwing out but the whole stinking barrel.

Give the perfect gift this Christmas. Buy a subscription for a friend for just £75 and you’ll receive a free gift too. Buy now.

Show comments
  • ginger

    UKIP people hate aliens. Period. Of course they do not hate English people, Europeans or Americans as they are the only ones who are not aliens. They want to get out of Europe so then even Poles would be aliens. Hated alien countries according to UKIP are Bhutan, Nepal, New Zealand, Peru, Sri Lanka and of course, Switzerland.

  • Michael Macdon

    Oh so amusing, it doesn’t help British politics when we chose to dam an entire party by focussing on the nutters in the ranks: all three mainstream parties have had far worse in their ranks as a look at imprisoned councillors would tell you. I would rather oppose UKIP because I dislike its policies rather than spout pieces that seem to say that UKIP is great but full of weird people, just like any other political party

  • Kitten Takara Summers
    • masscoruption

      You white hating twisted multiculti Marxist.

  • david dorian

    The wrong question as usual, and on purpose.

    The right question: ARe the British free to protect and maintain their racial identity?

    Africa for Africans, Asia for Asians, White Countries for Everyone IS White Genocide. Its a crime.

    Throw the non-whites out and throw the politicians enabling it IN JAIL.

  • MissDeanniemite

    Nick Cohen, you can now join the same ranks as Dan Hodges….how low can one stoop.
    You have assumed that everyone is the same

  • Damon

    Brilliant article, Nick. As a Tory, I can’t say I always agree with you, but it’s delightful to come across someone with the b_lls to say what needs to be said.

  • robbydot

    Who, EVER said UKIP can’t abide Europe?
    The EU is NOT Europe.
    Idiotic statement!

  • K BB

    Surely UKIP cannot be racist, it is simply coincidence that so many of it’s representatives say racist things.

  • Cobbett

    So, Netanyahu is a model of Moderation i suppose.

  • Brentfordian

    Blimey, more anti-UKIP desperation. Unhappily for Cohen his imaginings are a bit out of kilter with the real world, viz this morning’s pic of Farage grinning happily before many of his non-white candidates.

    Time to go back to the bedroom Nick and implode: the world is other.

  • Daviejohn

    Whoa!! what a nasty piece this is. Lay down in a dark room and compose yourself young man. I am not a Ukip person but it appears they are rattling some cages.

  • Tom

    Just caught up with this story,what a load of flannel!!.

  • Felipe Baughen Garcia-Vila

    UKIP resemble another group of people from the past, who always said the right things to the public but in the shadows schemed, and plotted. sheep in wolves clothing, scavengers that wait for the nations morale to be down,

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    Nick, you don`t attract flak till you`re over the target.

    • George Smiley

      You are still a Japanese living in Japan, and I still fail to see how anything having remotely to do with British politics has got to do with you.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    I can`t help noticing that the BNP site is entitled, “British National Party- Love Britain”. I have to say I find that a little off putting.

    • George Smiley

      Ah! The tired old “UKIP is the BNP” slur! Do please change the record!

      What are you actually?! Are you pro-UKIP or anti-UKIP, or are you really a bit of both, as really some kind of a schizophrenic troll, the type that normally hangs around on the Economist’s Facebook pages?

  • Gwangi

    At least UKIP have the prettiest colours – yellow and purple, like a hybrid of the liberals and suffragettes – hopeful and regal. Lovely!

  • LD

    What I have read here is deceiving, misleading and in all honesty slur.
    Rubbish journalism

  • Jocelynne Anne Thomas

    Be rude to Lenny Henry at your peril. The Black Country will rise up against you, given half a chance. I suspect they are already plotting to support Lenny. He is the hero of every self-respecting Black Country person, and rightly so. He makes us laugh, rather like UKIP but in a much nicer way.

  • roger

    I write from a country (HR) whose constitution defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. They voted to join the EU but since last July a lot of people think they made a mistake. If Britain doesn’t know it is a culturally Christian country like the rest of Europe it really is on the wrong path, perhaps it thinks the Channel is the Bosphorus.

  • Dave Cockayne

    Running scared are we?

    If you don’t like the fact that us peasants are pissed off with lib/lab/con lies and national suicide but are still so civil that we are using the democratic process to express our discontent, there is an alternative, we go French and guillotine you and all of your treacherous ilk Nick.

  • S&A

    ‘Hence the fact that 57 per cent of Ukip supporters would prefer to migrate to mainland Europe if they could’.

    So they want to leave the EU, but they also want to migrate to the EU.

    Unless I’m missing something, and they are all looking for a future in Belarus …

  • TheProgrammer

    Day by day, the level of journalism at the Spectator converges towards that of the Huffington Post.

  • John

    ‘White people LOVE to play divide and conquer’ – Labour.
    ‘We are now moving into a POST-Democratic age’ – Labour

    So all labour voters are racists and anti-democratic?

  • Disgusted

    Nigel is running rings around the established politician he is calling all the shots. His debates against ‘calamity Clegg’ exposed Clegg has an intellectual lightweight. Nigel say what a lot of us think but are to afraid to say in this mad PC world!!!!

    • whosaywhat

      “running rings” – that was what they said about Clegg in the run up to the previous election. And Farage, frankly, isn’t doing as well as that.

  • Gwangi

    Is it only muscle Mary gay guys wearing thongs in locker rooms, or all gay men, who Nigel Farage apparently hates? Or do you think all gay men dress up in thongs in changing rooms?

    I know several gay men some of which will be voting UKIP because they are sick of high rents and job competition caused by excessive mass immigration.
    People are always accusing Farage of racism and bigotry; yet I can see nothing at all racist and anti-gay and bigoted in anything he says – he is married to a Germen for Gott’s sake!

    Farage is at a rally in Swansea, South Wales, today. A new group no doubt made up of assorted leftie hypocrites, ‘Stand Up to UKIP’ (who really don’t seem to get this whole democracy/pluralism thing; perhaps they’re Muslims or just weirdy foreign?), plan to stage a protest. Ironic really as Nigel Farage is speaking at the Liberty Stadium!

  • ItinerantView

    Read your colleague’s piece Nick,he spots the 50 mile wide flaw in your propaganda.

    “Are you fit to be a Liberal Democrat? (A response to Nick Cohen) ”

  • Dave_Plankton

    Have you had a lobotomy? Then UKIP might very well be the party you are looking for.

  • Max Thrust

    Keep up the groundless name calling! It’s gaining us a lot of votes. Thanks! :)

    • whosaywhat

      No MPs though.

  • tim rogers

    The reason I’m going to vote for them is that I think we need to send clear message to the main parties that I’m unhappy with them and I think things in Westminster need to change . I’m actually a bit on the fence how I would vote in a referendum on the EU . I want to see immigration lessened but I fear for what it would mean for the British economy and I don’t think we could trust the Tories to do the right thing on human rights and workers rights . I wouldn’t vote for them in a general election though so my european elections vote will be one of protest . I suspect in 10 years time things will have reverted back to normal and UKIP will be a footnote in political history like the SNP . They probably will merge with the Tories eventually and make them as un- electable as the Republicans are in the USA at the moment .

    • anosrep

      “The reason I’m going to vote for them is that I think we need to send
      clear message to the main parties that I’m unhappy with them and I think
      things in Westminster need to change .”

      Then vote Green. If, as you say, you don’t trust the Tories on human rights and labour laws then voting UKIP instead is like ordering a vindaloo because you found the madras too hot.

  • Hereward

    Nick Cohen’s rant is a classic of arguing from the particular to the general. Using his logic, I suppose the LibDems are the paedoplile party? Labour the fraudsters party and so on. A party that has risen so fast is bound to have attracted a few active nutters, especially as it is aparty of protest. Farage seems to me to take far quicker action than leaders of the 3 main parties in getting rid of unacceptable people. How long did it take Cameron to fire Miller, Milliband to ditch the drunken brawler and Clegg to ditch Lawes and then bring him back!
    Farage certainly needs to build a strong team and cannot afford to lose people of Maria Andreassen’s stature and integrity. The next few months will tell, but if he does not keep cleaning the stables and build a team he will sink back at the GE.

  • sarahsmith232

    Ukip is one in the eye to the Metro’ lot, there’s no alternative to it, all 3 parties are led by and are dominated by that mind set. This is the electorates angry response. Ukip is anti the Metro ‘progressive’, ‘liberal’ PC order so inevitably you’re going to get some that are unconcerned about causing offense, causing offense. Only difference is the other parties make sure their ones are kept ‘on message’, but they all are also filled with people that hate about 60% of the country. They just don’t go tweeting about it though.

  • Queen_of_Snarks

    I don’t understand why I see so many people defending UKIP. Are there no decent human beings left?

  • wudyermucuss

    To put it another way, no one hates his country more that the bawling patriot. –
    Ah,I see.
    Because the country has been changed so much,to the degree that many would like to leave,they,themselves are actually to blame.

Can't find your Web ID? Click here