A ‘Cad’ does not sell videos of his sexual conquests to newspapers

29 April 2014

There’s been a lot of talk on this website recently about ‘revenge porn’. First, Freddy revealed his tips on how to avoid embarrassing videos and pictures of yourself being posted online (Answer: don’t let anyone take them). Then Lara asked why a Ukip-supporting victim of revenge porn wasn’t getting any support from feminist campaigners. And now Ed West has come up with his solution for slut-shaming: cad-shaming.

It’s this last bit that I’m not so sure about, though. How come men get the name ‘cad’, while women get called ‘sluts’? When it comes to venomous insults, the two words are hardly on the same level. For example, there are certain words that are automatically banned from the Disqus comment service used on this site and many others. Slut is one of those. Cad, on the other hand, isn’t. No surprises there.

In fact, just last week a Telegraph blogger wrote about why he’d rather be a cad than a gentleman. I can’t imagine many women writing that they would rather be a slut than a lady. And, as Dot Wordsworth wrote back in September, even in the middle of the 15th century, the word was used to mean a ‘woman of a low or loose character’, as opposed to someone whose kitchen was a bit dusty. So enough of this cad-shaming chat. I think a far worse word is in order.

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  • Wanda McBee

    I know a couple of good words for guys who do this to women that are perfectly apt and have a clear social stigma. Moreover, they are completely accurate. Pervert and degenerate.

    • Liz

      While both good, they don’t quite capture the wannabe rapist in him and his audience.

    • cartimandua

      Impotent would be a good one. Clearly ones love life has to be experienced “on a screen”.

  • transponder

    Or we could dispense with words and use pictures instead. Have a look at the chap at the end:

  • dmitri the impostor

    Life has been a poor sort of show since Major James Hewitt was forced to close his ‘Polo House’ in Marbella and move back in with his mum. How well I remember those raucous evenings with Leslie Phillips, Lucky Lucan et al, chasing the totty round the tables and shouting at the racing on the telly. Never glad confident morning again.

    • Liz

      Chasing the totty, another euphemism for date rape.

    • Kitty MLB

      Oh I forgot about, Leslie Philips in my list of cads, we must also mention
      Kennedy, and Fictional cads such as Mr Wickham.
      I believe someone in the 1960s called George Sanders wrote a book:
      Memoirs of a Professional Cad.

  • Liz

    Shame will come when the legislation is there and public opinion falls into line behind that.

  • Kitty MLB

    ‘ The ultimate cad’ I believe the 1950s was the age of the cad.
    Colourful rogues, such as this Terry Thomas ( but not David Niven) gentile skulduggery, cads and bounders. Mothers
    I assume used to warn their daughters of that ne’er- do well.
    But times were generally more innocent then I assume, men were gentleman, and would not dream of sending photos to newspapers, there may have been a cads
    code of honour.
    Today there is a lack of respect, and to be quite honest not all women are very ladylike, they tend to use the same language as the men and are predatory
    as men. And in this domain, a lot of people rant on in a way I am sure they do not
    in everyday life, where people actually know them.

    • Liz

      Men might not have dreamt of sending in photos of their conquests, but they certainly dreamt of doing things to women without their consent. Or taking advantage as they euphemistically referred to their date rape.

      • manonthebus

        Now how can you possible know that? Not so much ‘jumping to conclusions’ as rocketing to them. I didn’t do such things and I cannot imagine any of my contemporaries doing them.

        • Liz

          Via the medium of knowing about numerous women who were victims of it.

    • Regislea

      “gentile skulduggery” – isn’t that a bit racist?

  • zanzamander

    There have three blogs written on this site alone on this where I guess the writers are all in their late 30’s. Just admit it, the world of these youngsters has moved on, their behavior is inexplicable to anyone past 35.

    Let us not feel too sorry for Ms Vaid or judgmental about the bf. This is probably a done thing in their circles. No need to call any names. They’re just being…young.

    • Camilla Swift

      Well, I’m 25 for starters, and I’m older than Lara, so…

      • Kitty MLB

        He was being very condecending and ungentlemanly
        you didn’t have to reveal you age to such a bounder
        Camilla.Its strange how people make assumptions
        about the age of others by their style of writing.
        Most assume I am 400 years older then I actually
        am, but such as life.

  • Liz

    I agree, Camilla.

    The interesting problem is however that equivalent words of shame and denigration simply don’t exist for white, straight men. Only for everyone else. For obvious reasons: white, straight men were in charge of codifying the language, had the public pulpits and censored everyone else’s right of reply. (Which makes it all the more galling to hear them complain of political correctness now). So women need to invent some.

    But you are right, these r*pey misogynists, like all bullies and terrorists need to be stood up to and shamed, not avoided and excused. As do all their fanboys who rush to google without consent what they’ve uploaded.

    • TimeandtheRani

      Which is it, are we going to ban words of shame and denigration or invent more?

      • Liz

        Invent more until things are more balanced and then reeducate people not to use them in a balanced and equivalent way.

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