With a grim global tit-for-tat looking increasingly likely, Crimean secession is no laughing matter. Still, we here at Culture House have slightly different priorities to the people of Ukraine. Slaves to line, form and colour, we have our thoughts locked onto the thrilling prospect of gaining a splendid new flag (see above).
Here are some more secessionist movements who, on design grounds alone, deserve to be granted a seat at the UN (or at the very least an internship at Wallpaper):
1. Nagorno-Karabakh (part of Azerbaijan)
Pac-man! Stop! You’re eating the flag of Armenia!
2. Sindhudesh (part of Pakistan)
Oh, hey, axe-wielding people.
3. Zulia State (part of Venezuala)
Nothing says ‘I am the king of Zulia, God of sun and lightning, and I might eat your face’ than this cheeky, futuristic Aztec number
You didn’t know that Paul Smith was CEO of Hawaii?
5. Assyria (part of Syria)
I’m assuming acid will be compulsory here.
6. Sápmi (part of Sweden, Norway and Finland)
Bloody Scandis and their effortless good taste and sense of proportion.
Clever. No one could refuse the young Marlon Brando a new state, so just stick him on your flag, looking pouty and funky.
8. Meghalaya (part of India)
Oh God! My eyes!
I mean, are they so cheap in Vermont they just let the schoolchildren do the stars?
10. Bangsamoro Land (part of the Philippines)
Come on now. Who scribbled on the star and crescent? (Hey, fun sword!)
11. Rodrigues Island (part of Mauritius)
Fish. Check. Bird. Check. Maize. Check. Oyster. Check. Flower…. Flower? Check. Let’s have another bird. Colours? All of them? Why not. Guys, we have a mess! I mean a flag!
12. Caprivi (part of Namibia)
Awwwww. The only flag to come with its own sick bag.