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Coffee Shots: Politicians help voters imagine the impossible

6 March 2014

David Cameron spoke to Barack Obama on the phone last night. That’s pretty difficult to imagine, isn’t it? A man on the phone. Screw up your eyes and furrow your brow all you like: you’ll never quite make that mental leap to imagining what a chap on the phone really does look like. So thank goodness that the Prime Minister is there to help you out. Last night he didn’t just tell us that he’d been on the phone, he tweeted out a photo of him on the phone with a Serious Phone Face. Still a bit difficult to imagine, though, isn’t it? He should have added an audioboo of him talking in his Special Phone Voice.

It’s not the first time Cameron has helped us imagine what he looks like on the phone, though. Here he is on the phone to Gavin Short of the Falkland Islands Legislative Assembly, after the result of the referendum:


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And here he is on the phone to Barack Obama, again, but this time with a Special Congratulatory Phone Face:


Politicians are always banging on about how clever voters are. But they seem remarkably suspicious of the electorate’s ability to imagine them carrying out everyday actions. Here’s George Osborne, letting us know that when he prepares a speech, he sits at a table (albeit one furnished with a special posh faux Man of the People burger) and hunches a little:


And here’s David Cameron showing us that when he watches the Olympic games, he sits down by the TV, holding the remote and looking a bit uncomfortable in a special t-shirt. Although perhaps it’s best that he did tweet that as we would never have imagined that anyone actually watches the TV like that.

David Cameron watching the boxing

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  • drydamol1



    The Tories brought in the Welfare Reform Act in 20012 Labour
    bought in an amendment against the Limit for Benefit rises to a below
    inflation 1% until 2016 .But unfortunately they lost 324 to 268 and that was
    with some Liberal Democrats defying the Party line and voting with Labour .But
    at least that decision was put to a vote unlike the Totalitarian Tories who
    have decided to stop ILF payments
    although it was made Illegal to do so by the Court of Appeal last November .The Independent Living Fund enabled people
    to live an Independent life in the Community rather than in Residential Care .

    Cameron has repeatedly backed the Psychopath ID Smith on his
    Disastrous attempt at implementing Benefit Cuts that are actually costing Us the
    Public Millions through his Incompetence – that totally epitomises what the
    mentality of the Tory Party Hierarchy is .If brains were dynamite they would
    not have enough to blow their hat off .

    If you or I disobeyed a Magistrates Court Decision a warrant
    would be issued we arrested and locked up until a Court Appearance was arranged
    .Politicians are not above the Law –he should be Arrested for Contempt of Court
    .The Tories are at least sticking to their mantra if not any promises made to
    us “Don’t do as we do but as we say ”.I notice the Media are not
    commenting on this one ?

  • Tom Tom

    Why phone when talking to the wall will probably have Obama listening ?

  • Radford_NG

    `Knock,knock` joke.Obama and Putin on phone.

  • Radford_NG

    Osbourne:greasy kids’ stuff;a meal deal–burger,frys and coke.

  • saffrin

    Politicians help voters imagine something completely different, like a representative Parliament for a change.

  • BarkingAtTreehuggers

    Yet Putin is a tad more cleverer, isn’t he? He lets others get on with une propagande plus intelligente. You know, getting old chum Depardieu to pay his taxes, that kind of thing. Lovely stuff.

    Now, but the best propaganda by far these days must have been what is going on at RT right now. Isn’t it brilliant? All these girlie presenters going off on one in a desparate bid for credibility? Highly amusing. That’s what we call a good show.

  • James Allen

    Bring back public flogging. Just a suggestion.

  • Colonel Mustard

    “Politicians help voters imagine the impossible”

    This is true. As a young Englishman I would never have believed it to be possible that people in England would one day be arrested for telling jokes, forbidden to smoke in pubs, or that some would have their doors smashed down at dawn by posses of balaclava wearing paramilitary police without a preliminary request for entry. For a nation once governed with consent by politicians adamant to protect that consent to become a nation governed without consent by politicians who believe they are there to coerce and control society rather than just represent it.

    Politicians have helped me not just to imagine all that but to see it become reality.

  • George_Arseborne

    All fake. Irritating PR. The more l see these images, the more l feel sick. These chums are no real. Again all fake. Who do advice them actually?

    • FreddyTheFrog

      Hopefully not tards who spell like you do you fucking div.

      • LadyDingDong

        Take an upwards tick for a thoroughly English put down of a foreign retardo.

      • Sam Martini

        Hopefully is an adverb and shouldn’t be used in the way you use it. e.g. ‘He travelled hopefully.’ But don’t worry, half-educated people often use it as you did, so not many people notice.
        If you do misuse it in that way, you need a comma after it.
        ‘like you do’ ought really to be, ‘in the way you do’.
        It should then be followed with another comma.
        Other than that, well done in your attempt correct someone else’s mistakes.

        • James Strong

          Language changes.
          Hopefully you will come to understand that one day.
          ‘Hopefully’ has been used in the way you dislike for at least 20 years, and has been used, and coninues to be used, that way by educated native speakers.
          The usage you dislike is now correct.

          • Sam Martini

            It’s to be hoped that the erosion of the language doesn’t go so far that all precision gets lost.
            Used, incorrectly, by educated native speakers.
            It’s also normal style to write numbers as words in a sentence.

            • the viceroy’s gin

              The passive voice you promiscuously used in your first sentence doesn’t help with your much-valued “precision”, lad.

              And how is it that something “gets lost”? It “is lost”, isn’t it?

              • Sam Martini

                Oh, the elegance of the passive voice. No precision is lost through its use.
                No, I don’t think so. Either is acceptable, Sorry.
                (Check your Nottingham dialect before you dig a pit and fall in it.)

            • James Strong

              You are trying to prescribe rather than describe.
              You’d find it very difficult to make the case that educated native speakers can use their language incorrectly.
              As for writing numbers as words, the same point applies.
              But, since the primary purpose of language is communication and written language is to be read then please say which is easier to read –
              ‘at least 20 years’
              ‘at least twenty years’.
              ( And yes, I chose to begin a sentence with ‘but’, and one with ‘and’.)

              • Sam Martini

                Absolutely, I am trying to prescribe. Someone has to.
                And you’re quite right to start sentence with ‘and’. It’s a mark of a true stylist.

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