Francois Hollande is hacked off with the press

14 January 2014

Francois Hollande, was framed by a set of panto-esque red curtains as he attempted to conduct a gigantic U-turn on fiscal policy while simultaneously fending off interest in the identity of the First Lady of France. The President wanted to sound and appear dignified; but it seemed to Mr S that his make-up had been painted by a malevolent clown. The leader of the Fifth Republic puckered his tiny, baby pink lips and proceeded with his economic statement.

My filthy Anglo-Saxon mind made it seem that the spiel began with a procession of double entendres. ‘We’re talking about going faster, going further, going in more depth,’ he promised. ‘We must produce more. We must produce better,’ he conceded. Apparently France needs ‘vigorous growth’ and to ‘limit excess’. Well quite.

But this was Francois Hollande, the colour beige personified, and he was soon into his monotonous stride, obsessing over ‘figures’ and ‘social models’. He said: ‘I’m sorry; I am going to go into this detail’. We were sorry too.

Claim your gift

This continued for forty minutes and eyelids began to droop. I was nodding off when Hollande remarked: ‘We have to reduce spending to reduce deficits’. This is a very different President Hollande to the one who taught Ed Miliband that austerity is not inevitable; ‘that another way is possible’. Who knows what has made him see the world differently? Maybe it’s the croissants.

Finally, the time had come for questions. Or so we thought. First we had to endure an alleged political correspondent who sucked his way through a fawning homily. ‘This year once again it’s an honour to express myself in the name of my colleagues,’ he said. The hack thanked the President for his New Year wishes, for the great work that he does for the people and for giving a speech. Then he got down to the detail – sort of. He said that he was ‘asking very simply’ about the matter that ‘gives rise to emotions, questions, curiosity’. A question was imminent. We all felt one coming. Finally: was the First Lady of France still the First Lady of France?

Apparently, this conveniently timed press conference was neither the time nor the place for such questions. Hollande said, ‘I have one principal: private matters should be dealt with privately’. He went on to declare that he would publicly resolve the matter before he went to the US at the end of the month, which showed some panache (although one wonders what Valerie Trierweiler makes of it). Later he reiterated that he is ‘totally indignant’ at the publication.

France’s media pack left it at that. I can’t help thinking that I saw a glimpse of Fleet Street’s future amid this Gallic deference, if certain campaigners get their way. The story continues. It will not be deferred.

Give the perfect gift this Christmas. Buy a subscription for a friend for just £75 and you’ll receive a free gift too. Buy now.

Show comments
  • James Allen

    Nice use of “hacked off” in the title…. commentators should be explicitly making this link, day in, day out, until it sinks into the minds of readers/voters…

  • Blazenka Hudson-trograncic

    I see his popularity rating went up a couple of percent after the press revealed his affair, he should get out more.

  • Dogzzz

    It is very handy for the left that they can pour over the utterly irrelevant details of Hollande’s private love life, whilst he makes the most massive U turn in economic policy, throwing Miliband’s Plan in the rubbish bin.

    Clearly we have seen what Miliband wants do do, attempted. It has spectacularly failed.

    Shame that the BBC are more interested in whether Hollande’s partner is, or is not, still the first lady, than in seeing that Miliband has been proved spectacularly wrong.

    • James Allen

      Yes, which leads to the logical conclusion…. Miliband or Balls must have an affair!! Now who would they do it with? I quite fancy that Rachel Reeves (or Mary Creagh for the more mature man)….

  • lmda

    ‘I have one principal’ Er, Mr Président, don’t you think that most normal people have more than one principle?

    • john hughes

      mr. president has no principles. how can a man who lies to his children and thier mother. and lies to his fancy woman. about another fancy woman be trusted to tell the truth to his electorate. a lie is a lie. qnd he is a liar. strange morals for a president of a democratic country. just a deceitful man.

Can't find your Web ID? Click here