Coffee House

Charles Saatchi’s letter to Taki – I’m a cage fighter. Still want to insult me?

22 January 2014

We’re putting the new Spectator to press this morning, and we have an interesting reader’s letter from Charles Saatchi. It’s addressed to Taki, as opposed to the editor, and takes issue with his disobliging references last week. He has this to say:

‘Dear Ms Taki [sic],

Although the Spectator is a lovely read, I always skip your column, I’m afraid.

I am simply not interested in your social life.  I know that you delight in telling readers that your friends of Prussian nobility find you hilariously entertaining company at their swanky Europoncy parties.

But it was very hapless of you to spring to Nigella’s defence last week, as she always found you toe-curlingly vile, and would have been aghast at having you as her valiant supporter.

People tell me that in your unreadable column you also like to brag that you are a Black Belt at karate. Well, me too, old boy. But apparently your ‘fights’ are genteel affairs, against other soppy geriatrics rolling around the floor in crisp white outfits, in some bit of judokai nonsense.

Mine take place in cages, 20 feet square, unofficial little events with no gloves, no rules, and the loser being carried out, usually battered to bits.  You will understand why I laughed out loud at your schoolyard boast that I should try throttling a real hard case like you.


Charles Saatchi’

Taki has replied in his column this week, saying:

‘I am 77 years old, 5ft 9in and weigh 185lbs. I am willing to face him any time under cage-fighting non-rules, which will be a first for me. I need three days’ notice.’

By coincidence, the film Grudge Match — about two men coaxed out of retirement to fight 30 years after they hung up their gloves — is on general release in Britain this week. We have adapted its poster, above.

If Taki and Charles are serious, we’d be happy to stage the contest in the garden of The Spectator, with proceeds from the ticket sales going to The Boxing Academy in East London. We’ll keep you posted.

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  • Terry Field

    I’d fight the precious little git any time he likes.

  • Kate Melton

    Isn’t Charles Saatchi a geriatric?

  • Ranjit Patel

    Taki will OWN him! Saatchi is a puddle of pudge! Cage-fighter my a–!

  • Lee Robert

    Round Two – Saatchi – V – Taki – Grudge Match in Space the movie

  • Jonathan Wynne Evans

    Mr Saatchi is clearly going to be reincarnating for a very, very long time.

  • Marie Louise Noonan

    They should engage in a duel. Much more civilised and suited to their elevated social status.

    Swords or pistols?

  • post_x_it

    I know exactly how this will end: there will be a court case where Charles Saatchi accuses Taki Takealotofcokeupthenos of having a drug habit. No cage required.

  • King Ludd

    Wife beaters the world over believe that all disputes can be settled with violence. Thank you Mr. Saachi for proving this point.

  • Lee Robert

    The fight took place this morning, see the video of the fight and the results here

  • Snecma

    Go on Taki, beat the old fraud to a pulp, and then piss on him, for me. Thanks.

  • Lee Robert

    See the results of this fight of the millenium in this animation

  • GenJackRipper

    The Achilles of our era vs. the wife-beater? Yeah, I know who I’m supporting.

    Take him down, Taki!

  • Lee Robert

    Charles Saatchi is a coward, see my blog about what he did to myself and my partner, destroying our reputations, careers and lives. He knows this blog full of truth is online yet the MSM ignore it and the truth and evidence that it contains. Saatchi is a proven serial bully, he wants to fight an old 77 year old man, well Charles, the gauntlets are down, fight us two gay men instead aged 62. & 65.

  • paulus

    Lets always remember he has never been charge. Its probably best to diffuse this.They are both in their seventies

    • post_x_it

      It’s already being diffused widely, for example by way of Fraser’s article above. Perhaps it’s time to defuse the situation.

  • River P

    Is that it? Yawn. Not an ounce of humour even? Like a lizard under a rock, if you poke it it goes in deeper.

  • Ben Kelly

    They’re both pretty vile. Knock ten bells out of each other!

  • davidshort10

    I know understand why Maurice kept his brother under wraps during their 1980s heyday.

  • paulthorgan

    Is there bidding open for the broadcasting rights?

  • nnnnnnnnnnnnn

    Nigella Lawson is an English heroine.

    • post_x_it

      She’s looking very comfortable on the cover of Vanity Fair this month.

  • Florence Brady

    I’m 71, 5ft tall, weighing 70 kilos. I’ll take the pair of them on any time they like

    • Swanky

      I’m 5’2″ and I’m staying out of it!

  • Margaret Wright

    Get ready to crumble!

    I pinched the above from the Daily Mail website- yes I know,I have no excuse.

  • Fencesitter

    Do you think they could get Nigella to walk round the ring holding up the round numbers?

    • gerontius

      That’s some fantasy you’ve got going there.
      I’m not criticising by the way.

  • sageofwestcott

    Can’t help feeling that the world would be rather better if these two delusional old thugs managed to kill each other.

  • NBeale

    Hmm… There is nothing on the web about Saatchi being a Karate Black Belt before this story broke. And there are many grades of Black Belt in Martial Arts. Mouth…Trousers?? Let’s see…

  • Gary Rumain

    My money’s on the cage.

  • roger

    Actually even cage fighting has rules, the Saachi throat grip is not allowed.

  • Marie Louise Noonan

    I’m on ‘Team Saatchi’!

    • dalai guevara

      with a surname like that, I am not surprised.

      • Marie Louise Noonan

        I was mocking the media’s use of the term.: ‘Team Whatever’.

        ‘with a surname like that, I am not surprised.’

        As the Americans say,’ Huh?’

        • dalai guevara

          No luv, you did not get it but I am more than happy to explain: your surname is worse than mine round ‘ere. That means something, apparently also to others.
          Perhaps it is time for an American to familiarise herself with some recent Mancunian history.

          • Marie Louise Noonan

            Nothing to do with Cousin Peggy then?

            • Marie Louise Noonan

              American Irish? Nope.

  • ploppi

    My money is on Saatchi to win the cage fight.

    From the photos in the press he put in a lot of practice with Nigella.

    Will Taki have a defence for Saatchi’s iron grip?

    quote” Taki Theodoracopulos declared that Charles Saatchi was one of the art world’s “rogues and pirates” “”

    Here is my paining called Premonition of an Expensive Divorce.

  • Bob in Vienne

    Saatchi just keeps digging doesn’t he, and he has that giving gift

  • NotYouNotSure

    Cameron vs Milliband in a cage match, probably the only way to reignite interest in politics for a large segment of the population. Cameron has the weight advantage, but Milliband wins in the fitness department.

  • Toxteth O’Grady

    What about Rod Liddle vs Diane Abbott for the undercard?

    • Nigel Tipple

      My money would be on Diane Abbott.

      • Fencesitter

        Have you seen the unfolding spat between Nick Cohen and Liddle over on the former’s latest blogpost?


        • Nigel Tipple

          You do realise that Abbott took up boxing when she was Eton? She then went on to win a Blue at Cambridge.

        • post_x_it

          Are you suggesting that Saatchi should accuse Taki of being a Diane Abbot-style pundit?

  • cityca

    Taki is vile – Saatchi also but in a different way. They deserve each other.

  • HY

    Why not make an evening of it, Fraser? A death match between yourself and George Monbiot, for example. Either way that’d be 100% sure fired crowd pleaser.
    (Yes, I know Austin Barry would’ve written something far funnier, but unfortunately you, or one of your goons, have barred him from commenting. So much for your stance on press freedom, eh what?)

  • Doggie Roussel

    Just keep your throat out of the clutches of the reptilian Saatchi and you’ll be fine,Taki…

    A vicious knee in the crutch would go down a bundle, as well.

    Attaboy !

  • George Scoresby

    Their both wankers

    • Mr Creosote

      THEY’RE both monkey spankers – please use apostrophes where appropriate.

      • Bouddica

        Not just apostrophes, George’s whole sentence made no sense!

  • Nigel Tipple

    Excellent! I’d pay good money to watch this.

    • Nigel Tipple

      I’ve just placed a bet on Taki at Ladbrooks. The odds on the world’s greatest art collector/most gullible fool (take your pick) are not good. I’m perfectly happy to act as Taki’s cornerman.(do they have cornermen in cage fighting?)

      • FrenchNewsonlin

        Rather than the Speccie garden be better to stage it in a jurisdiction where Taki can’t be held for manslaughter — YouTube it for the rest of us.

        • Nigel Tipple

          I’ve always assumed the Spectator has its own jurisdiction and operates apart from the rest of the UK.

      • Nicholas K

        Has the Spectator checked the provenance of this letter? The autthor, allegedly Saatchi, writes of his fights that “Mine take place in cages, 20 feet square, unofficial little events with
        no gloves, no rules, and the loser being carried out, usually battered
        to bits” Unless Saatchi is not only the world’s oldest but one of the most sucessful cage fighters, visible evidence of his defeats would surely have been spotted by now. This all looks like an elaborate hoax.

        • Nigel Tipple

          I have a vision: The annual Spectator Tea Party. Polite conversation, bone china and fairy cakes. Into the middle of the garden stride our two hero’s. They strip off and start slugging it out.
          Will the guests ignore them and continue moaning about Cameron? Or will they form a circle around the combatants and scream support for their favourite?
          What will they do with the corpse’s? Call an ambulance, or leave them for the gardner to clear up? My bet’s on the latter.

  • LadyDingDong

    I would most certainly be prepared to pay £1,000 to see Taki batter senseless the odious Charles Saatchi; or vice versa.

  • wobble

    Both remarkably unappealing people , I would cringe if I could work up the effort …

  • Rossspeak

    I felt ambivalent about the Saatchi’s marital split before now – but this deeply unpleasant missive from Charles puts me definitively in the Nigella camp.

  • Bruce Crawford

    Presumably Mr Saatchi was just demonstrating a new cage-fighter’s hold to his wife on the terrace of that restaurant, and presumably they used to train and spar together which is why he thought his behaviour acceptable. Taki: I’ll hold your coat.

  • Tom Tom

    Shouldn’t this be in the Personal/Classified Section ?

  • RavenRandom

    This sort of thing doesn’t exactly dissipate allegations that a predilection for violence exists. As a younger man I feel the need to tell these two to grow up.

  • BlueCrashDive

    What makes my toes curl are husband & wife beaters. 40%+ of domestic violence victims are men.

    • Michele Keighley

      … and 60% are not! That’s the trouble when you use minority statistic to try and prove a point.

      • BlueCrashDive

        Less than 60% Michele, please try to understand what 40%+ means.

        Also, bear in mind that men are 5 times less likely than women to report they have been the victims of domestic violence according to government stats.

        40%+ is hardly a stat you should be ignoring and dismissing so easily.

        • Fergus Pickering

          40% are men, 55% are women and 5 % are of indeterminate gender, is that it? Otherwise you’ve got me stumped. I don’t believe your figures by te way. I think you made them up.

      • bwims

        You think 40%+ is an acceptable statistic? I’m not happy with the 60%- either, because I DON’T think that two wrongs make a right.

      • Marie Louise Noonan

        I suggest that you read Erin Pizzey’s Prone to Violence.

  • Colonel Mustard

    What make my toes curl are wife beaters.

    • Nicholas chuzzlewit

      Me too Colonel. Reading the exchange of letters reminded me that the words of Longfellow remain relevant today: “whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad”.

      • telemachus

        On a political blog this statement can only attest to your pre-occupation
        “…….We must be mad, literally mad, as a nation to be permitting the annual inflow of some 50,000 dependants, who are for the most part the material of the future growth of the immigrant-descended population. It is like watching a nation busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre. So insane are we that we actually permit unmarried persons to immigrate for the purpose of founding a family with spouses and fiancés whom they have never seen.”

        • Colonel Mustard

          I think you are mad.

        • bwims

          Not only his preoccupation, but all sane Britons.

        • Nicholas chuzzlewit

          A monumentally irrelevant piece of plagiarism whose connection with a 19th century poet and the subject of this thread escapes me entirely. Ordinarily, I would suggest that you seek professional help for your problems but on second thoughts, you are the perfect spokesman for Labour the party of lies, lying and liars.

          • saintlaw

            Squawks decrepit liar.

            • Nicholas chuzzlewit

              Oh look, another leftist Troll.

        • Margaret Wright

          and the relevance to this article is ?

          • Nicholas chuzzlewit

            …..To be found within the confines of his tiny mind.

            • saintlaw

              Quips hollow-skull.

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