Coffee House

‘One Pound Fish’ singer deported

26 December 2012

Everything you need to know about the fallen state of our political and cultural capital is captured by the story of Muhammad Nazir. A Pakistani immigrant who came here to study at a now defunct college, he took part-time work in Queen’s Market, East London, and was filmed singing a bizarre yet inexplicably catchy song about ‘One Pound Fish.’ Nazir’s innocence, rubbery grin, and fluvial Bollywood cadences made the experience all the more endearing.


The video went viral; Nazir went on X Factor; and he was signed by Atlantic Records. Nazir eventually ranked 29th in the Christmas charts, a formidable accomplishment considering he was just five spots behind the chicly grace of Adele.

As these things go, Nazir was due back in Pakistan today after being told that, once his college went bust he could no longer satisfy the terms of his visa. One wonders how much longer he would have remained in the country had his newfound fame not brought him to the attention of Home Office mandarins. But what of the thousands of other Nazirs who continue to live here illegally because they haven’t channelled the spirit of Orpheus? And what a damning indictment of the British deportation system that Nazir is removed while the likes of Abu Qatada continue to live here at our patronage.

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  • Mahers Dad

    why cant HO mandarins deport Shiraz and Qatada together

  • Sammy Oleeey

    How about those German immigrants who came over , set themselves up at the taxpayer’s expense, enjoyed multiple free homes for them and their offspring, and are well into their 7th workless generation? Oh, they’re the ones you doff your caps to in the crazy madcap Spectatosphere in which you exist.

  • Martin_Kinsella

    There is no point in deporting this decent, hard working man.

  • Coffeehousewall

    All those who are here illegally should be removed to their countries of origin and invited to apply to enter the UK legally. Their illegal entry would naturally count against them but exceptional circumstances might be considered. Application should not be allowed in the UK.

    • Karla

      Only for persons “of a certain religion” from Pakistan. It is not the odd local Sikhs and Christians in Pakistan who are supporting the Taliban, al-Qaeda and bin Laden, is it?

  • Frank Wilson

    Surely condoning illegal immigration in any way or form is an insult to those who have gone through the hoops, attended all the British Embassy interviews, furnished all the required paperwork, applied for the appropriate visa, paid their dues, and entered the country legally.

  • Troutface

    There’s a lot of excitement and even wanking going on in this blog. Good luck! Up and away the buffs!

  • Raman_Indian123

    At present I live in a suburb of Vancouver, Canada. Here we are fully and happily multicultural. Our immediate neighbour is an old lady of Ukrainian origin who is like family to us. She tells us cheerfully frightening stories of old times on the farm in the prairies of Saskatchewan where the snow was often ten feet high and she used to drive a team of six horses and medicine had to paid for in potatoes. She brings us apple pie at 10.00 pm on snowed up nights. Across the way is a Georgian doctor who rues the downfall of the USSR – he says his happiest time was as a leader of the Young Communists in Moscow University. Other neighbours include a Hungarian of German origin who is the acme of generosity and who I think has decidedly German nationalist sympathies, and an Iraqi.
    We all get along, with profit and pleasure.

    • Daniel Maris

      Thanks Raman. Would you like some boring details about my life including pleasant interactions with people from other ethnic groups?

      • Sleepy

        oh no please no you are already too too boring!

        • Coffeehousewall

          The fact that you live with people from other backgrounds is not multi-culturalism at all.

  • Raman_Indian123

    The survival of a culture is a function of how strongly it can be transmitted to outsiders – how many outsiders it can win over.
    Those cultures which accept immigrants readily prove more resilient than those which cower in their ethnic shells.
    One sign of Britian’s resilence and good prospects is that it has more readily than many accepted immigrants. It works well at street level. I have lived in a West London suburb full of coloured immigrants where all races pulled along with good humour.
    The neon-Nazi ranting here is unrepresentative of a great people.

    • Daniel Maris

      Raman – self identified as “Indian”, we have to note – can you tell us if India “accepts immigrants readily”. If so, can you provide some evidence for your answer.

      • Coffeehousewall

        It is very difficult to gain Indian citizenship, it is very easy, too easy, to gain British citizenship. Indeed it might as well be given away with Cornflakes.

  • Rahul Kamath

    An insight from the ‘you’re a racist, no you’re a racist’ dialogue on this thread is that everyone seems to agree that ‘racism’ is a bad thing. Even if a few people have odd ways of defining it. This is huge social progress. Not so long ago the NF/ BNP/ Ku Klux Klan/ Nazis etc. were delighted to be called racists. It was a badge of pride, of honour. Now at least everyone seems to agree it’s a bad thing.

    Oh and I’m learning some brilliant new insults from Eddie. ‘Cunt-chops’? He’s positively lyrical, a poet of the swear word.

    • Daniel Maris

      I certainly agree hateful racism is horrible and I think – barring a few fantasists over-represented here – that is the general opinion. But there is a softer racism – not so different from family feeling (e.g. the general wish to have your son or daughter look a bit like you) that does tend to dominate around the world, and certainly dominates on the sub-continent, though you seem loathe to admit it.

  • fitz fitzgerald

    Light race relief : leftist liberals’ angst over whether to laugh at DJANGO UNCHAINED:

    • Coffeehousewall

      Good one. Thanks for the link.

  • G Baxter

    All illegal immigrants (including Mr One Pound Fish!) should be immediately deported, with no right to challege deportation in the UK courts, when caught by UKBA. The trouble is there are so many illegals it is a mamouth task. The Gov have made a start but the scams are so numerous that it will take time to close them down. The sooner that we have a controlled immigration system the better. BTW I agree with Mr Maher that it is ridiculous that Abu Qatada is still in the country. He should have been forceably deported years ago!

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