Gordon Wilson, a hero for our times

30 December 2012

If there was any justice in the world, Yorkshire pensioner Gordon Wilson would feature in the New Year’s Honours list – but I suppose it’s too much to hope for. The Wilkcockson family, from Hunmanby,  kept noticing that their pussycats were going missing, never to return – but they did not suspect the kindly old gentleman living next door. Mr Wilson, however, was outraged that these noisome creatures were crapping all over his lovely garden and had constructed special wood and steel mesh traps baited with tuna fish. Having ensnared Tibbles et al he would then release the animals “in the countryside”, ie presumably in close proximity to an arterial road or dual carriageway. Incredibly he was convicted of “theft” for this singularly civic and humane approach to a national problem. I’m thinking of starting a fund for the chap to help him pay off his fines and maybe have enough left over to buy a python.

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  • rndtechnologies786

    Nice view.

  • the guvnor

    RING….07812118159…silly voice adviced…blimey guvnor..etc

  • Ixion

    I haven’t been reading your stuff for ages. In the same way that I tend not to read the bloggs of generalised ranters.

    In your case I gave up because I rather like cats, (and also the other hardy perenial of your other irrational hatreds the Welsh).

    Once again one of the London media mob, uses his soapbox to praise the casual commision of a crime.

    In this case a man who committed one offence (theft) he was charged for and one the CPS seem to have forgotten about animal cruelty. Oh well just dipped into Spectator, nothing changed in a year or so, still encoraging brutal treatment of animals; which I would describe as dumb animals; but given the standard of your pearls of wisdom, they probably have the IQ points on you.

    “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” – Mark Twain

    The smallest feline is a masterpiece. – Leonardo da Vinci

    There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. – Albert Schweitzer

    Am I with De vinci, Schweitzer and Twain: or with ‘Kill em all’ Liddle, think I’ll go with the greates geniuses of the last 100 years. Not the Jurno

  • David Ossitt

    That cat loving, dog hating weirdo Eddie has posted fifteen times on this

    Is this a tad obsessive?

    • Eddie

      Oh do shut up, you old bore.
      The replies to my posts show some enjoy them. You don’t. Good. If you did, then I’d be worried.
      You seem ignorant too: stealing cats breaks the Theft Act 1968, as anyone with a basic legal knowledge knows.
      Glad your daughters enjoyed their pussies though.

    • Eddie

      Perhaps ranting on about Eddie on New year’s Day is a tad obsessive, to say the least. I mean, what kind of miserable old git posts spiteful nasty comments on a day like today?
      I wish you a very Happy New Old Git Year. May you regain your sense of humour somewhere along the way, dog man.

    • Sarah

      You can’t wave the the prospect of female genitalia and Muslims in front of Eddie and not expect him to take advantage of it. It’s like putting a marshmallow in front of a chimp.

      • Eddie

        Dogs have masters.

        Cats have slaves.

        And Sarah has long-term femi-psychosis manhater-obsessive cunty disorder.


        I see 2013 kicked off to a mad binty start again! Mind you, if anyone picked up your pussy Sarah I am sure they’d want to put it down immediately (maybe with a big injection!) – so no need for you to worry about any form of male sexual attention, I am sure!

    • The Elderking

      Eddie is obviously a quite disturbed character. Best ignore him, as I guess do most people. Men who are “into” cats are very strange indeed.

      • Eddie

        Oh dear…

        So, let me see, men in history who liked cats:

        Churchill, Einstein, Bryon, Cocteau, Rayomnd Chandler, Leonardo, Dickens, Dumas, Hugo, Edward Lear, Samuel Johnson, John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Iam Anderson, Isaac Newton, Matisse, Tchaicovsky, Petrach, Poe – and yep Mohammed and the Pope.

        Men who hate cats: Napolean and Hitler.
        I rest my case, m’lud.
        Men who are ‘into’ dogs are insecure about their sexuality and may well be gay (well, as you’re throwing around opinions masquerading as facts, I thought I’d join in to stop you being so lonely).
        What cat-haters just do not realise is that women LOVE men who LOVE cats – ergo they get more sex.
        Joke’s on you. woofter boy the Elverspring!

  • Dogsnob

    All this trapping and relocating business seems an unecessary farce when air rifles with silencers are so easily come by. Nothing fatal you understand, just a solid whump on the flank a couple of times and they learn to do their curling-down in another direction. Such natural acrobats when startled.

  • PH

    Noa, They have let the murderers out on bail. Ph

  • David Ossitt

    “Incredibly he was convicted of “theft””

    I do find this odd, in the days when it was compulsory for us dog owners to have to purchase from The Post Office a licence for each dog that we owned it was explained that there was no need to licence a cat because you can’t own a cat, in that the cat does not take orders and can not be trained in the same manner that dogs can be trained.

    I have had both cats and dogs (the cats were to please my two daughters) whilst I love and admire all dogs with the exception of the Corgi and the Bedlington Terrier I loath cats almost as much as those cat lovers who like ‘Eddie’ rant on and on about their imagined virtues.

  • Geoff

    Let us also remember dearest Mary Bale and the wheely bin. By the way….. Rod Liddle was writing in The Sun last thursday about his support for the RSPCA . Being a bit selective with your allegiance Mr Liddle.

    • rod liddle

      It is because I dislike cat-ownership that I support the RSPCA, Geoff.

      • Eddie

        Nobody ‘owns’ a cat mate – a cat owns you!

        Dogs have masters; cats have slaves.

        Some find that charming; some don’t. Hey-ho…Room for all opinions…
        But why the F does the cat in your photo have one eye bigger than the other? The Crazy Cat maybe?

  • sunnydayrider

    Crikey Rod, all the crap you deposit over the internet, you need to watch out for traps baited with Tuna yourself. (Probaly Meat Pies in you case):

  • Eddie

    Why all the cat hatred?
    Cats are wonderful, fascinating intelligent creatures – much better than dogs (mostly thick as turds) or indeed people (even Chairman Miaow). Utter opportunists, yeah – a bit like little furry Russian rent boys and whores…sorry…er….models. Probably cats are more expensive too, when you add it all up. But as a bonus, you don’t get drugged, robbed and infected with Aids.
    Theft is the charge and those who steal cats should be prosecuted. This moron pensioner set cats free in the wild where they’d have died within days, predated by chav foxes or somert. Maybe he should also be taken out somewhere – say, the middle of Sibera, and left to fend for himself?
    I think Gordon Wilson should be shut in a cage and have pussies thrown at him for 7 days and nights. And his garden can be turned into a cat shabeen.
    Never trust a man with pussy-phobia.

    • The Elderking

      We used to have a feral cat problem around here but I have encouraged a fox to set up home at the bottom of the field, trained my hunting dog (didn’t take much effort) and that is that. Now the garden is alive with birds, amphibians and even ‘ickle lizards.

      And no cat poo or risk of catching toxoplasmosis.


      • Eddie

        But a big risk of your dog chewing the gristle of any passing child. Brilliant!
        No danger from cat poo – much MORE danger from dog poo, which blinds killies every year.

        Birds? Failed dinosaurs mate, and thick as gravy (ask your turkey carcass…)

        Dogs? Not much brighter – except the border collies and nice breeds like dalmatians and King Charles spaniels.

        Hitler liked dogs; Churchill likes cats. Nuff said really…

        • Geoff

          “Birds? Failed dinosaurs mate, and thick as gravy (ask your turkey carcass…)” Historic Eddie!

        • The Elderking

          You fell right into that one didn’t you.

          I wondered if a numpty cat owner would take the bait.

          Besides my dog has never, and will never, bite anyone. Too intelligent you see.

          Cats scratch.

          Cats are vermin. Vermin should be wiped out

          Blofeld likes cats, you like cats. Therefore, by implication, you are a fictitious madman out for world domination.

          Nuff said really…

          • Eddie

            reallyNope – actually you fell into my trap as it was you who replied to my original posting (DOH! Not very bwight, are we, eh?)

            Tell me – how many children get attacked and killed by dogs every year? How many are blinded by dog shit disease? Very many more than the zero killed or injured by cats.

            Dogs intelligent? Ho ho ho! So thick they take orders for wallies like you. But I don’t blame the dogs – I blame the vermin owners, who should be wiped out.

            Hitler liked dogs and hated cats. Therefore you are Hitler.

            Nuff said…

            • The Elderking

              Bingo – you came back for more. I knew you would.

              Cats taste like chicken. Mmmmmm! Chinese fried cat in hot chilli sauce…..

              Blofeld likes cats – YOU are therefore a homicidal manic. Same illogic.

              Seriously though – you should think hard about upping your lithium dosage.

              Cat people are soooo weird. Do you shuffle about in a night gown and slippers?

              Bet you do…

              • Eddie

                Oh dear…You keep a-ranting on, eh? You reply to my original post and then claim you win because I replied to your reply?

                Are you mental?

                Been rubbing some doggy turds in your special places again eh? Bingo is about your level really – let’s hope you win a foot spa eh? Or a lobotomy perhaps…

                I think you’ll find that research shows that insecure failures love dogs because giving orders to them makes them feel powerful.

                Churchill liked cats. Hitler liked dogs. Nuff said.

                Now reply again with inane drivel again as you have 3 times, loonie pooch poker.

              • HenryWood

                Chinese fried cat? Never heard of it. Have you ever had fresh, fried monkey brains in a Shanghai restaurant? The whole dish is so entertaining beginning from when they imprison the squealing monkey in a circle cut out of the middle of the table. Then a waiter – or maybe a vet? – carefully removes the top of the monkey’s skull with one of them surgeons’ Black & Decker thingies. By now the monkey has stopped jabbering at the diners. However, things soon liven up again when the Maitre d’ arrives with one of those spirit burning table stoves and proceeds to heat about a cup of oil – sesame seed oil, I think. When it is at the correct temperature – the Maitre d’ tests this by spitting into the oil: if the oil spits back it is now hot enough – he then proceeds to pour the boiling oil into the opened skull of the monkey! For a few milliseconds there is tremendous theatre and then when the hullabaloo quietens, the assembled diners each take a spoonful of fresh, fried monkey brains and spread it on toast.
                Delicious! (I wonder if it is still allowed in this day and age?)

  • Daniel Maris

    Rod – the Christmas spirit might have got the better of you. Please remember the terrible pickle you got into last time with tales of your death-dealing cat-traps. I think the RSPCA inspectors must have been on your case before you declared it all a joke, as no doubt it was (since you’re not the type to harbour deep seated psychopathic urges to do violence to cats).

    If you think it’s a “national problem” then please campaign responsibly on the subject. Personally I think it’s a national problem that people who get disturbed by distant views of wind turbines from their kitchen window try to frustrate our attempts at energy independence – but I don’t think I’ve got the right to trap them or poison them or otherwise do them harm. More to the point, I hate the “devil dog” culture in London but I would never take it upon myself to poison or otherwise harm the nasty looking brutes (I mean the dogs not their animal owners).

    I suppose we have to accept at face value this guy’s claims that he “released” the poor pussies in the wild as no doubt he also is telling the truth.

  • PH

    They have been released on bail

    • Eddie

      Don’t you mean: ‘on tail’?

      • Daniel Maris

        Or is it “on wail”.

        • Eddie


          • Daniel Maris

            Feline good about that? I think you’re just playign with this thread – paws time? .

            • Eddie

              See, now you’re just taking the puss…
              Still, all’s fur in love and war and Rod’s blogs…

              • Daniel Maris

                Those are litter-ally the worst puns on a cat theme I’ve ever heard – and I don’t mean by a whisker. They were really Manx and certainly didn’t have this cat Persian with delight. What would Sarah say about your obsession with pussy? – you tortoiseshell never give a man a break.

                • Eddie

                  If I ever suffered the cat-astrophe of meeting Sarah, (she of the cat’s bottom mouth), I would whisk-er away to some purr-fect place.
                  Cat-alonia perhaps?
                  Where some cat-amite rent-boy could paws-ably tail-or a tom-perary contract, with a special claws which her advo-cat could argue allows her to Feel-ix – just once – just so she nose what man-pussies are like…

                  Oh fur-get it!

  • Thick as two Plancks

    The late Peter Simple used to describe Lord Mountwarlock’s grouse shooting estate being populated with sociology students as an alternative target.

    Personally I would prefer to shoot at cat-haters. Or let Phantomsby get at them.

    • Eddie

      Or we could set traps for all old git pensioners with obsessive gardening habits? Then we could airdrop them somewhere –
      how about somewhere hot and sunny in Africa or Asia?
      I’m sure the local people there would be happy to subsidise these whitie pensioners’ big fat pensions and health care costs (as we do for elderly third worlders who come here)…
      Or we could do what Gordon Moron did and kill em all (then just PRETEND we sent them to a good safe wickle home far far away…)

  • Sylvia

    Only Brits would find this funny. Sylvia, Ct USA

    • The Elderking

      Cats make great target practice. I put seed out for the birds, cats come into the garden to kill them and………BANG.

    • Eddie

      Oh but Brits find everything funny – and also we do not circumcise our cats as you do in the USA.

      ‘Declawing’ you call it.

      Now that is disgusting: cats have claws for a reason, just as men have schmucks for a reason too.
      What is it with you Americans and chopping things off?

    • Lungfish

      Just as you’re from Ct and are feeling tetchy about guns or something?- daft.

  • AndrewMelville

    Better he had donated them to a local Chinese restaurant. Burp.

    • Eddie

      What, the one nextdoor to the Korean place that does a nice doggy Bow-wow-chowmein and rottweiler rice?

      When the Chinese have finished making sharks and elephants and rhinos extinct, no doubt they’ll start on Chairman Miaows – or maybe roast a few of them there African babies (oh THAT’s why they’re buying up Africa! I get it now…)

      • AndrewMelville

        Excellent – very funny.

  • john steadman

    Suggest Liddle’s local fuzz examine this article very closely in the light of current hate legislation.

    • humeanbeing

      I trust you are joking, good sir.

      • john steadman

        Deadly serious – there must be a place for cats who shit on my lawn in a truly inclusive society just as there is no place for pussyphobes.

        • humeanbeing

          Fair enough.

          • Eddie

            Fur enough, surely?

  • Tron

    Cats are much smarter than dogs. For example you never see a homeless man with a cat.

    • Eddie

      Cats are much brighter, yes. Never take orders, for one thing.

      Dogs do, and are slaves really, which makes thick insecure people fell good and powerful: having one’s orders obeyed no doubt makes these pooch-tootlers tingle with self-affirmation and sanctimony in what is no doubt a licky little Lawrentian way.

      Homeless people always do seem to have these awful rats on a rope eh? No self-respecting moggy would be so stupid as to hang around in the cold and wet – no loyalty at all, cats.

      But then, neither do dogs – as that mental German woman who had a face transplant found out (after she took an overdone and her dogs started eating her face off).

      Sad to say, there is a famous cat who defriended a homeless (one of those awful touchy-feely books that became a bestseller – cat names bob). You can even buy cat collars and leads now, I notice…

  • Austin Barry

    Oh, dear, another unfortunate article from Rod, which does little to build bridges between communities.

    Consider, if you will, that the Prophet Muhammad (puh) is said to have loved Muezza his cat so much that “he would do without his cloak rather than disturb Muezza who was sleeping on it”.

    And yet Rod seems to countenance Muezza’s chums as potential roadkill snacks or a pleasing pair of gloves.


    • rod liddle

      also, Muhammed (pbuh) hated dogs. Suppose I’m bang to rights on both counts.

      • Daniel Maris

        Pussy be upon him?

    • Eddie

      Was that the pussy what was 9 years old? Or the other one(s)?

      Funny though – Muslims in the UK seem to hate all pets, except cousins. You’d think they’d want to behave like Mo, have a nice glass of wine, tickle a pussy, rob some caravans, rape some slaves…that kind of thing…

      • Mohammed

        The best pet is goat – this is fact known all over the world, as Allah he knows inshallah.

        With goat you get funny little face with beard (like uncle Mustafa or Richard Branston, but with better teeth), and they gives you the horn as well. What more is to ask for?

        And think of all the cheese!

        • Eddie

          Yea, Mohammed, but think of all the shit!
          At least cats do it outside or in litter trays, not in the main cave dining room.

          • Mohammed

            OK OK – so we can get cleaner. One of my wives will do it, or a cousin – or maybe a wife who is a cousin…

            Or maybe a servant from Poland? We could pay her in cheese.
            No wait – milk to start with. Then cheese. Or she gets fat and lazy, isn’t it? Inshallah.

            • Eddie

              Mohammed – are you being deliberately sterotypical?

              • Mohammed

                I just want a pet who gives and receives affection, nice and warm and cuddlefun, and provide useful service for Mohammed.

                Dogs are dirty; cat are aloof. So let us get goat, inshallah!

                Then we can have party!

                OK OK – we pray first then have party. OK?

                • Eddie

                  Oh, you are. Happy New Infidel Year!

                • Jan Cosgrove

                  Let’s all think of the welcome you will get on your next Pilgrimage, my friend. You clearly like the horn of the old goat it seems, and we all hope it fits perfectly in the place where prophecies do not shine and most soon, Inshallah. Peace be upon you and your goats.

        • salieri

          HNY, Andy

      • Sarah

        Your concern for underage “pussy” is …

        Hmm, I want to say “heart-warming” or “inspiring”, but all I can think is: “crass, exploitative, hypocritical, dehumanising sexism”

        • Eddie

          Listen my little pedigree chum psychotic barking loon.

          This blog is about cats – not mad manhating feminists or how all men are bastard rapists.

          I think you took a wrong turn, titty blah blah.
          Maybe a sad old bitch like you should slag it over to the blog on dogs eh? (and god knows, I’ve had a few…)

      • Jan Cosgrove


  • Noa

    Rod. Mr Wilson apparently now regrets his catnappery I’m not of a mind to fight tooth and claw for a chap who shifts his principles so easily. Good God, he could end up as a conservative PM or a government minister.
    Unhumourous I know, but I rather incline to a memorial fund for murdered church organist Alan Greaves, the proceeds being used to build a gallows for these particular offenders.

  • stickywicket

    Totally agree with this article. This guy deserves a medal. Please, please someone set up a national campaign about this!

  • FrenchNewsonlin

    Trust his tuna was well laced. Crapping, diseased, scurvy cats are a pestilence, a biblical plague. Is his invention perhaps available via the Internet?

    • Simon Morgan

      Don’t call anything a ‘biblical plague’ until you’ve experienced flies down-under. You know not of which you speak. We have to wear silly hats with corks on them because of flies around here. People not wishing to look silly with the hats, have to to resort to the Australian ‘wave’. An accomplished waver can actually look quite normal outdoors (but looks can be deceiving). Less accomplished ones raving mad. No sir – take it from me and be glad, be VERY glad, you only have a few cats to worry about.

      • FrenchNewsonlin

        Ah but you are not alone. Portugal and Spain are fly-plagued too while the French hinterland with abundant farm animals and scurvy cats specialises in big black buzzing types. But you’re right. No-one beats the Aussie head-fly.

  • John Court

    Let us know when you have set up the fund. We hope you hear from the RSPB who I expect will be keen to help.

    • Robert Taggart

      Just a thought… could we not start a ‘civil’ war between these do-gooding causes / charities ? – RSPB versus RSPCA / CPL !

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