‘The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers’

29 November 2012

Given that David Cameron, rightly, seems to believe Lord Leveson’s recommendations are a crock of shit, what was the point of the inquiry in the first place? To show that something was being done? To give people like the hilarious Coogan a day in the sun, and that smug prolix lawyer who thought he was James Mason in The Verdict?

We have to stop handing things over to lawyers and judges. Journalists are bad enough, but these people are even more thieving, grasping, self-righteous and utterly out of touch with public opinion. Too much time is given over to what they have to pronounce, too much weight given to their usually fatuous perorations. For all their flaws, I prefer the MPs – at least you can get rid of them.

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  • rndtechnologies786


  • Dougie

    How true. Judge-led inquiries have proved to be somewhere between ineffective and useless: Leveson, Chilcott, Hutton, Saville, the list goes on. What’s so special about judges? Time to find another approach.

  • Woodstockwastrel

    And Judge Judge has at last done what he’s supposed to do. We’re all sick of the craven PC judiciary. When a squaddy goes through the ranks and becomes a sergeant in the SAS it usually means he’s not a gun toting Willesden drug dealer. So who was the twat who thought he was representing the majority when he sent Nightingdale to jail. Who are these cunts?

    • Robert Taggart

      Agreed, correct us if tha be wrong, but…
      The European Court of Human Rights – ‘Strasbourg’ – did they not pass a damning judgement upon the whole Courts Martial system – at least within the British Forces – some years back ? Cannot recall the circumstances, but, methinks some squaddy felt ‘hard done by’ by this ‘justice’ system – and the ECHR agreed – and suggested improvements. This could well have been ten years ago ?

  • Mike

    French politicians rightly resist what they call le regne des juges Rod. Check it out.That’s what we have now in the UK. Fucking money grubbing lawyers ruling the roost.

  • Wilhelm

    Who is the Dave Lee Travis look a like in the photo ?

  • Tron

    Ed Miliband said he agreed with EVERYTHING in Leveson and he wanted it all put into law immediately.
    He said this before he had time to read it let alone think about it.
    He must have missed the bit about Labour’s claim that the Tories did a deal with Murdoch being complete bollocks.
    Are you still voting Labour, Rod?

  • Hexhamgeezer

    At least it’s distracted the Specs boyz n’ gurls from their Milliband obsession for a bit

  • June

    There is no free press in this country. Free from whom, from what? The politicians? The press is usually aligned with one party or another and as such will always toe that party’s line, therefore it is in the pockets of the politicians anyway.

  • Wilhelm

    The heavier the report, the bigger the bullshit.

    Jesus had the 10 Commandments, the Levenson enquiry ran to 250,000 pages

    • arnoldo87

      Well there’s a new take on the Old Testament, Wilhelm.
      Don’t know why you bother with either Jesus or Moses, though. They were both “ethnics”, after all.

      • Wilhelm

        ” They were both ethnics after all.”

        Well, Arnold, my dear fellow, I don’t think Jesus ever swaggered around the streets, wearing his underwear pulled up to his midriffs and his jeans waistband pulled down below his backside, baseball cap back to front, speaking in a ebonic patio about gangstas , hip hop rap, hoes, casual sex, basketball and easy money, do you ?

        • arnoldo87

          “Ebonic patio”? Sounds tasteful if a little expensive!
          Can you get one at B&Q?

          • Wilhelm

            Of course, I meant patois.

            Harry Endfield’s ” Parking Pataweyo.”


            • Eddie

              Yes, and I think 80% of traffic wardens are now African. Don’t ask me why.
              But often what happens is this: African immigrant gets a job as a postman (despite never having lived anywhere with street names!) or a traffi warden – then phones all this 300 mates and says how easy it is to get a job in that field! And before you know it…

              Is walking around sticking parking tickets to parked car beyond the ability of our unemployed? Y’know, all those kids with 12 GCSE A stars yet with all the literacy of chimps?

            • Eddie

              Yes, and I think 80% of traffic wardens are now African. Don’t ask me why.
              But often what happens is this: African immigrant gets a job as a postman (despite never having lived anywhere with street names!) or a traffi warden – then phones all this 300 mates and says how easy it is to get a job in that field! And before you know it…

              Is walking around sticking parking tickets to parked car beyond the ability of our unemployed? Y’know, all those kids with 12 GCSE A stars yet with all the literacy of chimps?

    • Just Bob

      The American Constitution made do with 4,543 words, including the signatures. The Declaration of Independence, 1,458.

      Liddle’s right – kill all the lawyers.

      • Daniel Maris

        Yes, but first make them read aloud the whole f***ing lot. Then kill them.

  • Wilhelm

    But journalists DO have guidelines, the NUJ rules when it comes to reporting race, never ever mention the elephant in the room.

    Black criminals are called ” youths ” and muslims who rape white girls are called ” men. ” ( isn’t that sexist ? mentioning the gender, shouldn’t it be ” biological entities” ?

    The BBC and press must think we’re all born yesterday, that they think we don’t notice it.

    • Austin Barry

      The truly dangerous aspect is exemplified by the Enfield rape, where a number of newspapers felt unable to describe the fugitive suspect as ‘black’. Madness.

      • Wilhelm

        The media by NOT giving out a description of the rapist, for fear of being labeled ‘ waaycist,’ they’re putting the general public lives in danger. The racism card trumps everything.

        A new development in criminality, in America, flash mobs of ebonic speakers rushing into shops to loot, the owner cant do anything because he’s overwhelmed. Coming to Britain shortly.

        Cue those whacky blacks and the Benny Hill theme.

    • Woodstockwastrel

      And they always misquote ‘uncontrolled population growth promoted by western advancement in medicine’ for ‘climate change’

    • Jama A Mohammed

      “Black criminals” just call them criminals. perhaps the colour factor is important as it suits your racist mind.

  • Sarah

    “I prefer the MPs – at least you can get rid of them.”

    Lawyers can be disbarred. But how does one kill a journalist? With two journalists? It’s like the Hydra.

  • Eddie

    Don’t forget Rod, if a lawyer replies to you by posting here they’ll charge you £150 minimum for it… Per post, that is.

    Of course you are right. You the hilariously pompous screecher Charlotte Church out of your list though: the idea that such outraged self-interested persons assume they have the right to legislate against the press for the first time since the 17th century, just because some rag reported that their dad was having an affair is absurd.

    What next? Asking Jimmy Krankie about how to tackle paedophilia? Perhaps Keith Richards can head up a body (not just his own – which it does precariously enough) to investigate addiction to self-pity and hurt feelings in the rock n roll industry? (Well he’s been adddicted to everything else, so he may as well give that one a try…)

    Let’s stop pandering to bimbos, preening ‘comedians’, money-grubbing amoral lawyers and the rest – and just create a better Press Complaints Commission which can be truly independent and harsh (though seeing as all newspapers are losing money, and most celebrity tittle tattle is online, one hardly sees the point even of that).

    • Sarah

      Woman. Tabloid. Tabloid. Hatred. Pompous. Screecher. Predictable. Toi?

      Are you on holiday with Rod Liddle, Eddie? You’ve been everso quiet while he’s been away and only show up when he does.

      • Eddie

        Nurse! We’ve got another Harman on the loose! Get the tranquilizer gun, quick, before the patient explodes in a sticky oestrogen-infused pudding pop of pompous, self-pitying whinge juice!

      • Eddie

        What a coincidence, Sarah! Because you only ever show up when I do and stalk me around the Speccie website! But with obsessive nutters like you around, I don’t even have to keep a diary eh? Because you’ll be able to tell me when I went on holiday, when I had flu, when I had a busy schedule and when I had time to reply to special people like you on here.

        There is of course a criminal offense of stalking, Sarah-kins, and it does happily apply equally to men and women.

        Or let me put it this way, love: if ever my car breaks down in the snow and you invite me into your log cabin, I think I’ll pass, OK? I seen that film with Kathy Bates innit – and I’m sure she’s way saner than you, Sarah, love.

        Now shoo. Go stalk someone else.

        • Sarah

          Well to be fair, you’re not that hard to stalk dear. I just have to look for a blog where there’s an opportunity for you to shoehorn (lazily, but at unnecessary length) women and feeling victimised into your comments and hey presto!

          • Eddie

            Sarah: my post was NOTHING to do with women, you thick little bint! Charlottel Church was on Question Time moaning and whingeing about boo hoo hoo how her mum was upset at a tabloid story that he dad was having an affair – and using the sort of mental logic only known to twerps like you Sarah, because he mum was upset and depressed, she wanted to ban free speech in the press. Is she a bimbo? Yep. Maybe you should be a room eh? I mentioned more male complainants than female ones, you dumb dug-dragger!
            It is YOUR paranoia and gender obsession, Psycho Sarah, your utter fixation with your self-pitying feminist man-hating craving for victimhood, that makes you see sexism everywhere like faces in the clouds It’s cause a delusion, love – mental people have them. Like you then. Like I said before: NURSE!
            By the way, my post has almost 30 approval ratings; yours has, er, one (voting for your own posts! How DESPERATE you are!) I think that reflects how much each matters eh? Hee hee hee! You lose again, binty!

      • Woodstockwastrel
        • Sarah

          Ed and me before those nice ladies came and took me and Lassie away to live with them and he got bitter.

  • MC2

    Anyone who argues in favour of state regulation of the press is either a self-serving scumbag politico or a full-bore fucking idiot.

    • Sarah

      Luckiy absolutely nobody did.

      • Nick Kaplan

        Pretty sure you did on the other thread just a few days ago, and since you probably aren’t a ‘self-serving scumbag politico’…..

        • Sarah

          I’ve never argued for state regulation. I’ve argued for independent regulation. As has absolutely everyone who wants to see regulation.

    • Woodstockwastrel

      A well paid ponce actor who likes being sucked off by black whores or an overpaid self important puffed up son of a facist black shirted traitor who enjoys an expensive bondage orgy- well I’m jealous I must admit, but thats no need to try and take away our hard earned freedoms.

  • MC2

    Spot on Rodders. it is not scientific but the number of people I know who’ve been fucked over by lawyers vastly outweighs those who’ve been fucked over by hacks. And has the Law Society helped? You can guess that one…

    • Austin Barry

      As a lawyer even I hate lawyers: they tend to be self-satisfied, smug, overpaid paper-shufflers smelling of dead insects.

      • Woodstockwastrel

        Whats your specialist subject?- death,tax,marriage,business or tripping over?

      • puss-in-plimsolls

        ‘Smelling of dead insects’. Add a faint Cheddar whiff and some Pinot Noir and you could be on to a best-selling perfume there, Austin!

  • puss-in-plimsolls

    Activity on this page entirely suspicious considering that it is 11:18 pm EST and 4:18 am GMT, yet the recommenders (or one bloke with a mania?) are out in force.

  • puss-in-plimsolls

    Oh dear, Rod has upset someone.

    GOOD! : )

  • William Reid Boyd

    I trust you’re aware young Rod that your blog is an offence under Section 16 of the Offences Against the Person Act 1861 for which you can receive a life sentence.

    I wouldn’t necessarily rate your chances if it came to court. I’ll defend you if you like. I specialise in lost causes :).

    I agree with you that the enquiry shouldn’t have gone to a lawyer. Also that it’s a crock full of shit. Let’s give the next one to Sally Bercow and ask her to write it on Twitter (in just one tweet).

    • puss-in-plimsolls

      William: You realize that you are going to get 78 dislikes now as punishment from the dislikers suddenly descended on this blog.

      What’s that? –You don’t care? Oh but you *must*. It’s terribly important, and that’s why they do it.

      Cripes, and I thought Disqus was juvenile over at the Telegraph even for having ‘recommends’….

      • William Reid Boyd

        😉 jings …

  • puss-in-plimsolls

    Rod: I take it that Susan G. is not a fan.

    Well, I *am*.

  • Susan G.

    Grasping at straws here. Amused you should be jealous of Robert Jay’s vocabulary. He wasn’t prolix; he was meticulous and forensic. Leveson’s report represents, and its recommendations, good sense and a chance for nasties like you to be reined in when bullying innocent people. What it does not do is limit the freedom of the press: it merely
    allows it to operate without absent the calumnies and worse that can cause great misery to innocent people who have not had recourse to justice hitherto.

    It is deeply satisfying that a judge has pronounced and with such reasonable and careful attention to the major problems and issues that have bedevilled the British press for decades. The fact that you find this process and the performance of the legal beagles to be guilty of ‘fatuous perorations’ redounds to your arrogance and nothing that they have actually committed. As for your quip about MPs, the possibility of getting rid of them what with rotten boroughs and five year terms is remote. Now that’s fatuous.

    • br14

      Would an arrangement such as that described by Leveson have prevented the phone hacking scandals?

      I’d say it was unlikely. The actions taken were illegal under existing laws, and if one law failed to prevent abuses why would another?

      And are not at least some of those journalist and editors involved in the events investigated by Leveson subject to criminal charges? Which would also suggest that the law as it stands is perfectly adequate at dealing with criminal activity engaged in by journalists and their associates.

      I suppose after spending all that money Leveson had to recommend something. And Mr Cameron, after a suitable period of reflection, will produce a watered down bill that does nothing.

    • Wilhelm

      ” Robert Jay wasn’t prolix, he was meticulous and forensic.”

      In other words, dull and boring.

    • Baron

      Solid rant of a control freak, Susan, except that for wit it cannot beat the one that asks ‘how does one call a couple of lawyers chained together at the bottom of the sea’ and answers ‘a promising start’.

      If the same was suggested by a Putin’s man you would most likely be yelling in front of his embassy here, and you would be right. What has changed that after 300 years or so of more or less free press we need a regulator, another quango stuffed with the anointed, isn’t there enough troughs for them to feed from?

      The only unarguably missing bit from the set up under the umbrella of law is something akin to the Small Claims Court (Rhoda Klapp’s brilliant idea), an inexpensive vehicle for the hoi polloi to hit back if they felt wronged. A million quid for the top award would do more to discipline the press that’s alraedy losing alot than any regulatory body could.

    • Daniel Maris

      “Absent.” You must be a trainee lawyer. Only lawyers say things like “absent”.

      The only trainee barrister I ever came across in my youth got caught travelling without a ticket on the tube. Boy, did he do some fibbing to get out of that one.

      There was a lawyer once named his children Verity and Honesty. Someone asked him why he chose those names. His reply: “Well it’s nice to come home to Verity and Honesty, as I never have time for them at work. “

  • Jama A Mohammed

    I Call This Inciting Murder. is it me or the spectator is turning out to be the Mein Kempf of the Far-Right.

    • Terry

      It’s spelt Mein Kampf – Kempf plays the piano.
      Spectator has a capital S.
      Questions have ? at the end.
      Learn to put words in the right order.
      To state that anything is the Mein Kampf of the far right doesn’t actually make a lot of sense does it?

      • Geoff

        Smart Ass

        • puss-in-plimsolls

          Yes, but he’s good, isn’t he?

          • Terry

            Thanks Puss.
            I like your style – Susie G could learn a lot from you.

            • puss-in-plimsolls

              Mutual admiration, then.

      • Daniel Maris

        Also, no need to hyphenate Far Right unless it’s used as a modifier. :)

      • Susan G.

        It would to many a right wing loon who insists that Hitler was a socialist. But, don’t let anything resembling thought stymie your little petty patronising attempt at superiority. Epic fail.

        • br14

          “insists that Hitler was a socialist”

          You can argue about definitions, but Hitler was inserted by the German Army into the German Workers Party (which by all accounts was socialist), and rather liked what he saw. Seems they agreed with many of his ideas. The words “National” and “Socialist” were added later.

          • Ron Todd

            Hitllers economic and industrial plans were socialist. Read Adam Tooze ‘ The wages of Destruction’

        • Colonel Mustard

          His politics were definitely socialist, almost communitarian, in origin and practice. He was also a smoking-ban vegetarian. And no doubt had someone come up with the climate change scam in the 1930s he would have been a zealous crusader for it.

          Behind all the froth and accusation you should study the actual political mechanisms and structures of the NSDAP, especially Gleichschaltung, and you will find that it resembles nothing so much as the New Labour style.

          Far-right and right wing are meaningless in an age of authoritarian socialism which embraces aspects of fascism in all but name whilst masquerading as the centre ground.

          The problem with lefties is their blinkered belief in their own mythology and their self-delusion in not seeing themselves as others see them. They are always right, never wrong and they are never responsible for the consequences of their foolish and dangerous propositions. I know that to you I’m a right wing loon but you have absolutely no idea that you are a fascist.

        • HJ777

          Hayek argued very cogently that there wasn’t much effective difference between supposedly right wing regimes like Hitler’s and supposedly socialist regimes like Stalin’s.

          They are both at the opposite end of the scale from those who believe in individual liberty and limited government.

          I’d like to hear your argument against this.

      • Graham Booth

        It arguably does. Mein Kampf was written by a leftie. A National Socialist. That’s the trouble with the whole left/right nomenclature. The Common Purpose lot want to equate nastiness with the right and goodness with the left. In reality, most of the nastiness perpetrated in the 20th-century was left wing, and the Nazis were no exception. As Goebbels proclaimed: ‘our first priority is socialist revolution, with nationalist redemption foillowing it like a whirlwind’.

        If only right-thinking people didn’t allow the left to shackle Nazism to, I dunno, British Conservatism, or anything truly ‘right-wing’ (it originates from the National Assembly of the French Revolution, where the landed and moneyed interst sat on the right, the peasants on the left) we could all sit back and enjoy tainting the likes of Milliband and Balls with association with Goebbels and Himmler.

    • FrankS

      Would you say you’re well read, Jama?

    • puss-in-plimsolls

      Is that your fourth gin?

    • Ed L

      It’s Mein Kampf – the german for Jihad.

    • Colonel Mustard

      It’s just you. And irony escapes you as swiftly as Shakespeare’s prose.

      God save your majesty!

      I thank you, good people—there shall be no money; all shall eat
      and drink on my score, and I will apparel them all in one livery,
      that they may agree like brothers, and worship me their lord.

      The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.

      Nay, that I mean to do.

      Henry The Sixth, Part 2 Act 4, scene 2, 71–78

      • Oedipus Rex

        Thanks, I recognized it but couldn’t remember from where.

        Maybe we could get someone to play a Kempff recording as a soundtrack to the play just to needle Jama the Huff or whoever he is.

      • salieri

        Wonderful thing, irony. Actually, I suspect the irony is that “Jama A Mohammed” is a new blog name for a regular and rather bright contributor who delights in winding people up. I could be wrong, but if not he has evidently succeeded once again.

    • Hexhamgeezer

      At least he’s not claiming God told him to do it.

    • Baron

      Jama, young sir, you’ve never read Adolf’s rant then.

    • Wilhelm

      ” Is it me or is the Spectator turning into Mein Kampf of the far right ?”

      Nah, it’s only you.

      Ps, beheaded anyone lately ?

    • Austin Barry

      Here’s another Shakespeare quote for you, Mr Mohammed:

      King Richard the Second
      Act 4 Scene 1

      “Streaming the ensign of the Christian cross; against black pagans, Turks and Saracens.”

      This is a non-ironic quote which you can compare with the irony of that used by Rod.

    • roger

      So you know the origin of the title about ‘…kill..the lawyers’, isn’t it verboten like volkswagen.

  • Daniel Maris


    I could have come up with those recommendations after about half an hour’s cogitation over a pint of London Pride.

    What a waste of time and money!

    • Colonel Mustard

      Would the London Pride have been necessary to the cogitation and conclusion or merely ancillary to the process?

      • Daniel Maris

        Well, not strictly necessary, but it would have made the half hour thinking about reform of the press less oppressively boring and irksome.

        Of course when I say I could have come up with the recommendations I meant if you had told me this guy Leveson had been appointed well then I mean I could have come up with those Leveson-like recommendations in half an hour. If you had told me Peter Tatchell or Dame Shirley Williams had been appointed Chairman I could have come up with their recommendations in half an hour.

        My own recommendations would take far less – about 5 minutes.

        However one thing we have learnt: only very boring people like Leveson are really capable of cogitating on the intrisically boring subject of press reform without liquid sustenance.

    • puss-in-plimsolls

      Eh? You can still spend your money on London Pride, Daniel. They haven’t banned that — yet.

  • Noa

    What do you call a lawyer gone bad? The Right Honourable…or the Editor.

  • Baron

    You talk alot of sense when you get angry, Rod, you should rouse yourself more often.

    • puss-in-plimsolls

      Said the nun to the inquisitor.

      • puss-in-plimsolls

        To the marker-down: Oh come on. It’s a harmless joke, even if it’s not original!

  • janet

    totally agree

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